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2431 Comedian Quotes

There’s no formula. Keep busy with your work and your life. You can’t become a professional mourner. It doesn’t help you or others. Replay the good times. Be grateful for the years you had.

Become Keep Good Work
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Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

Life Change Only Can
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The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

Mark Greatness Obsolete Bear
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Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.

Sorry Same Apologize Funeral
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It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.

Love Appreciate Rather Compensate
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

Answer Accept Reason Only
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Long Learn Mistake Enough
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Hard work and intention often go unnoticed. All people see is what you don't do or what they think you should be doing better.

Better Hard Intention Work
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People who live in a glass house have to answer the door.

Glass House Door Live
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Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work. I live by that. You grind hard so you can play hard. At the end of the day, you put all the work in, and eventually it'll pay off. It could be in a year, it could be in 30 years. Eventually, your hard work will pay off.

Famous Work Hard Everybody
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Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Worth Doing Slowly Anything
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Hook Later Dream Follow
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When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

Buy First Sell Control
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You want the world to be set up for you, but sometimes it just isn't.
World Want Sometimes Set
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You can never walk a mile in someone elses shoes, but you can walk a mile in your own and be proud of it.

Shoes Miles Proud Walk
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There's a tendency to treat anyone with a physical disability as inspiring. I call it a pedestal of prejudice, in that you're lifting people up to dismiss them. My whole thing is bringing us down to everyone else's level and saying we're all the same. The struggle is the same

Tendency Treat Prejudice Disability
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If everything was perfect, it would always be a person-first conversation, but whenever I have the opportunity, I lead with my personality. If they're looking and seeing the disability first or the chair first, I know that I have the ability to change that.

Perfect Opportunity Lead Disability
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I think that's where it comes into play, when you are just looking at a document or whatever and you see the word

Play Document Disability Trigger
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I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.

Happy People Always Anyone
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Drink Mirror Front Watch
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A person has to remember that the road to success is always under construction. You have to get that through your head. That it is not easy becoming successful.

Road Success Person Always
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When I read the script [of Glee], the whole premise was that all the high school kids were being cruel to this kid in the wheelchair, and then the quarterback comes along and has a heart of gold and takes him out of a Porta Potty. That's too often what I see in media, that the characters with disabilities are there to make other people seem like heroes for treating the character with a disability with respect. Those are the kinds of roles that are out there.

Hero Heart School Script
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I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 29, and I thought it was because I'm in a wheelchair. And I realized that it's not that, it's because I listened to what the dismissive part of society was telling me and accepted it as truth. There was nothing that was keeping me from dating or falling in love other than the fact that I was scared of being rejected. And everybody has that fear. That's a universal thing.

Falling Love Girlfriend Dating
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Think Past Bring Many
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CP is a struggle, but it's also been quite the tool for me to find success and deliver a message. It's something about me that's unique, so it'll open a few doors as well as keep a few closed. If you have the other tools that you develop as an individual, talents, things like that, you can harness this to do positive things in the world.

Struggle Unique Positive Talent's
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We did a book signing and people came up to me. There was an expectant mother who was like,

Mother Children Book Work
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You really just have to have a good attitude, challenge yourself, and you can accomplish great things.
Attitude Challenge Yourself Good
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You may not have a physical impairment, but you have things, whether it's finances, self-esteem, it doesn't matter. It's cut from the same cloth.

Self esteem Cut Physical Impairment
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No Atlantis is too underwater or fictional.

Atlantis Underwater Fictional
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What I don't like about the way the media portrays religion is that they seem to weaponize it and use it as a tool to divide people.

Religion Media Portrays Weaponize
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I feel that religion can be used as a tool to guide your life and help you connect with other people.

People Tools Help Guide
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The most important thing is to have the conversation, and let people who do make mistakes feel comfortable enough to continue the conversation.

Mistake People Important Comfortable
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Writing was not my medium. I preferred to do video.
Writing Videos Medium
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I just love all the music. My grandma was a church organist for 40 years, and she got me into jazz music and great songwriters, Harold Arlen, George Gershwin, all those folks. I can't do it, but I have a profound respect for it.

Music Love Profound Jazz
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We'd done a couple of road trips with my big chair, and it was such a hassle if we didn't have the van with the foldout ramp. I figured: There's got to be some option that I can use on the go. Now I can go anywhere with my friends, which is a big, life-changing thing. I can sit on it for as long as I need to.

Couple Long Road trips Hassle
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My experiences of traveling abroad and going to Italy with my father, having to break down a gigantic electric chair to get on trains. You've got three minutes. You go to Pompeii and there are shockingly few accessible hotels in a city that was covered in volcanic ash.

Accessible Experience Traveling Abroad
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Technically I can get out of my wheelchair and crawl around and do things, but when I've traveled and they've lost my wheelchair in transit, I feel like I need to be bound to it. My functionality and autonomy are often bound to this.

Need Lost Wheelchair Technically
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I feel a lot of personal responsibility to undo the negative stereotypes. I know that it's not coming from a bad place. It's coming from an ignorant place. I can sort of be an ambassador in a subtle way to say,

Struggle Responsibility Living Ignorant
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I didn't feel like I was putting anything good into the world, even though it was funny. I wanted to do something more positive that would have an impact. So even when I'm doing naked push-ups or whatever, it's astounding to see how people respond to it.

Impact People Naked Astounding
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The biggest disabilities are when you sabotage yourself mentally, those personal demons that get on your shoulder and you can't shake 'em.

Demon Disability Personal Sabotage
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Call yourself and define your relationship to your chair the way you want to, or your disability the way you want to.

Want Way Disability Call
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I thought this should be a travel show, because a lot of people with physical disabilities get discouraged.

People Because Travel Show
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Over the years, I learned that in my career, unlike in life, sometimes my wheelchair is its own automatic door opener. I was able to win the OWN competition by applying one simple principle: be funny, and admit you suck before anyone else can call you out on it. In other words, make the narrative of your failure a comedy.

Over Career Unlike Life
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The Internet is crazy, and I love it!
Internet The Crazy Love
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The only two characters I can play convincingly are myself and a dumber and sweeter version of myself.

Myself Sweeter Play Dumber
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When I was five years old, I auditioned for the role of 'Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol.

Christmas Carol Five Auditioned
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I'd wanted to be famous for as long as I could remember.

Famous Could Remember Long
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When I get real excited, my muscles go into spasm, so they just shake.

When Real Muscle Excited
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I was basically the person at Disney World that was in charge of clearing the park when it was closed... I was the guy... telling them to 'get the hell out and have a magical day.

Magical Basically Disney World
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For me, cerebral palsy wasn't the biggest deal, because I always had it. You know, you always work with what you got.

Got For Cerebral Deal
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