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"24 Groucho Marx Quotes & Sayings

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Born: October 2, 1890 Died: August 19, 1977 | Comedian |

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Long Learn Mistake Enough
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Book Down Intend Laid
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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Arrived Be Happy Choose Day
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I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Book Educational Find Go
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Ask Crook Find He
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Bedfellows Does Make Marriage
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Bed Hospital Meter Running
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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Like Others Principles Them
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Father Got He Her
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him

Man Control Fate Women
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Intend Live Forever Die
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Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

Please Accept Resignation Club
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Speak Something Important Say
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage Wonderful Institution Wants
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives People Feel Dance
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I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

Feeling Well Doctor Immediately
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I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Worked Way Up Nothing
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

People Born Alike Republicans
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Mother Loved Given Anything
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me.

Why Care Posterity Done
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting Problem Live Long
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Believe Me Your Own
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Morning Shot Elephant Pajamas
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Must Confess Born Early
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Groucho Marx Quotes & Sayings