Menu

 Authors
A B C D E F
G H I J K L
M N O P Q R
S T U V W S
Y Z
Get Socialize
My Account
Make Free Wallpaper

2431 Comedian Quotes

But I wish they would make a musical of some kind. I miss musicals so much. You don't see them anymore.

Anymore Wish Kind Miss
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I cannot tell you what it means when children recognize. This is about the third generation for me. And when kids that small recognize me, it really pleases me, very gratifying.

Children Generation Gratifying Kids
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I think it's being thrown at the wolves, we call it in our business.

Business Call Think Thrown
  Favorite Make wallpaper
I turned down some movies that were quite good. mainly on the basis of taste.
Basis Down Good Mainly
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I was always in show business but in many ways was not really of show business. I didn't move in show business circles, particularly, still don't do it.

Always Business Circles Move
  Favorite Make wallpaper

No, no, it was the relationships. That was that group. People believed that Rob and Laura were really married in real life. You know, a lot of people believed that.

Believed Group Life People
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Oh, I had an idea for a pilot of my own at the time, and then Carl sent me about eight scripts and simply I threw my idea out the window because the writing was just so good.

Pilot Scripts Simply Time
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Oh, well, my first love is comedy or singing and dancing.
Comedy Dancing First Love
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Probably one of the happiest moments, outside the birth of all of my kids, was the first time we won an Emmy, that the show won an Emmy. That was a big night.

Big Birth Emmy First
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.

Act Anything Classes Classroom
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

Change Comedians Crowd Directions
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

Jokes Life Mean My Life
  Favorite Make wallpaper

God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.

Because Disappointed Do The Right Thing Does
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My mother raised me in the church. I was not allowed to stay home on Sunday; there was no option. I sang in the choir all the way up until I went to college.

Allowed Choir Church College
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Being on a comedy tour is like traveling with family, everyone is all having a great time... then all of a sudden it turns sour. One thing gets said out of turn, and everyone is on everyone's last nerve. After an hour of silence, we all start laughing about it.

About After Being Comedy
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you've got something to share.

Experiences Failure Got Great
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm not really a relationship expert but... I'm an expert on manhood and what men think.

Expert Manhood Men Really
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Other than my foundation - mentoring programs - everything I do is for money.
Everything Foundation Mentoring Money
  Favorite Make wallpaper

If a man loves you... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby's mama, something.

After Baby Fiancee Give
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan. We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted.

About Across Care Come
  Favorite Make wallpaper
The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high.
Bar High Problem Setting
  Favorite Make wallpaper

How can smart women be so stupid about men sometimes? Lack of knowledge. It's what men have kept secret for so long.

About How Kept Knowledge
  Favorite Make wallpaper

A guy that's really serious about you, he's gotta be talking to you, he's gotta want to have one-on-one, in-your-face interaction. That's how we are.

About Gotta Guy He
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Women are the real reason we get up every day. I'm talking about real men. If there were no women, I would not even have to bathe, because why would I care? These are guys I'm hanging with. I wake up for a woman every day of my life to make it happen for her.

About Because Care Day
  Favorite Make wallpaper

All I knew growing up was that my father was married to and loved my momma, period. He worked hard, made some money, and put it on the dresser. She spent it on the family, and he went out and earned some more. He taught me the most about love.

About Dresser Earned Family
  Favorite Make wallpaper
I'm not a doctor. I just have a tremendous amount of common sense.
Amount Common Doctor Just
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I never saw myself not being a stand-up. That was my plan.

Being Myself Never Plan
  Favorite Make wallpaper
You can be happy, or you can be right. If you want to be part of a couple and win every argument, you're in trouble.
Argument Be Happy Couple Every
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, 'Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day.' And 15 years later, I did.

Afterwards Day Did Doing
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My mother was a Sunday school teacher. So I am a byproduct of prayer. My mom just kept on praying for her son.

Am Her I Am Just
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I don't think it's cool for people to say, 'You shouldn't reference God because I don't believe that, and I don't want to hear it.' Well, there's a lot of stuff I don't believe that I still gotta hear.

Because Believe Cool God
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You can take lessons to become almost anything: flying lessons, piano lessons, skydiving lessons, acting lessons, race car driving lessons, singing lessons. But there's no class for comedy. You have to be born with it. God has to give you this gift.

Acting Almost Almost Anything Anything
  Favorite Make wallpaper

There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows away every joke I've ever written.

Away Been Blows Christ
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You've got to quit lowering your standards. Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business.

Business Front Got Guy
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I don't want people to see me fall. I mean, I got enough people cheering for me to fall now... The Internet has created some amazing place for evil to exist, you dig?

Amazing Cheering Created Dig
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I ain't no author, man... my writing skills are not of 'New York Times' best-seller quality, trust and believe it ain't. My vocabulary ain't.

Author Believe Man New
  Favorite Make wallpaper

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

After Had Heart Idea
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I know how men think when they're not responding to questions in a clinical study.

Clinical How Know Men
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I think there are so many books out there written on relationships and romance that women are the authors of. How can women know exactly how men think? And there are so many guys out there with relationship books who are just not telling the truth. They have shaded parts.

Authors Books Exactly Guys
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I tell people I'm a stand-up comedian two hours a week. The rest of the time, I'm somebody's husband, I'm somebody's father. I'm a man. I take great pride in that.

Comedian Father Great Great Pride
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You have nothing if you're texting a guy in a relationship. We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push 'reply all.' I mean, since we're lying, we might as well lie to everybody.

Everybody Guy Lie Lying
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My father instilled in me to take care of my family. Show up even when you don't want to show up.

Care Even Family Father
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I tell my boys not to play rough with their younger sister. I try to teach them what I know already: You're never going to win an argument with a girl, so just let her have what she wants!

Argument Boy Girl Going
  Favorite Make wallpaper
God has given me a life far beyond anything I ever dreamed about. God is, man, God is something else man.
About Anything Beyond Dreamed
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm just a living witness that you can be an imperfect soldier and still be in the army fighting for God Almighty. Don't you think you got to be perfect 'cause I ain't.

Almighty Army Cause Fighting
  Favorite Make wallpaper

God has positioned me just this way to be just like I am, to say what I say how I say it.

Am God How I Am
  Favorite Make wallpaper
You've got to be in a bad relationship to really understand what a great one is.
Bad Got Great Great One
  Favorite Make wallpaper

We all think that this relationship thing is a game out here. All I'm saying to women is, 'Okay. If it's a game, here are the rules that we play by.'

Game Here Okay Out
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I just believe if you don't believe in God, then where is your moral barometer? That's just me talking. You can believe what you want to believe.

Barometer Believe God Just
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Hip-hop is a beautiful thing. I think that the music genre itself has created more millionaires than any other music genre before it, especially in our community.

Any Beautiful Beautiful Thing Before
  Favorite Make wallpaper