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"1066 Funny Quotes

I was studying the sky like I was an astronomer, except it was daytime and I didn't have a telescope, so I was just an idiot.

Was studying The sky An astronomer Daytime
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Books and beer are the best and worst defense.

Books Beer The best Worst defense
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Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works.

Somebody dies People eat Your food Funny
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And believe me, a good piece of chicken can make anybody believe in the existence of God.

Believe me Make anybody The existence God
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It's not oil that runs the world, it's shame.

Not oil That runs The world It's shame
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If somebody tells you that you have ears like a donkey, pay no attention. But if two people tell you so, buy yourself a saddle.

Somebody Ears People Saddle
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A man takes a drink, the drink takes another, and the drink takes the man.

A man Takes A drink Takes another
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I’m not always right but when I’m right I’m right

Always right Not When
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I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

Even people Claim everything Is predestined Change it
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There is no heaven or afterlife for broken-down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.

No heaven Broken down Computers Fairy story
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What was God doing before the divine creation?

God doing Divine creation
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

Pen Mightier Sword Gun
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Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

Himor Lubricant Helps Bad spots
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Don't stress your confidence in subtleties 'Cause no better half can satisfy A wasted alibi

Stress Your confidence Better half Stress
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Going by how much we love cows, maybe we should start keeping cows as pets, what do you think?

Love cows Start keeping As pets
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If your financial year is January-December, your biggest profit after tax is if you are alive and well.

Financial year Biggest profit After tax Are alive
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They have taken light at the presidential task force briefings.what a country.

Taken light Presidential Task force Briefings
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Now Channels is giving us filler content while the meeting scrambles to turn on the generator.

Giving us Filler content Meeting scrambles The generator
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No matter how adult you are.Parents make you feel like a baby.

No matter How adult You are Parents
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My Muslim friends, please remember to wear your face shields, face masks and sanitize your hands as you SEND MY MEAT. I’m not threatening you oh, but Coro is not the only one that can kill, I’m waiting.

Muslim friends Face shield Sanitize Your hands
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Breathing hits different when you have to put on your mask after eating food with a lot of garlic.

Breathing Hits different Your mask Eating food
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Even the Lion in the Chelsea crest is craving for the beans.

Lion Chelsea Crest Craving
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After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager

Planet Visitor See Manager
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Being an icon is overrated, remember an icon can be moved by a mouse

Icon Overrated Moved Mouse
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If you continue observing the social distancing even in your own house, how will you have kids with your hubby/wife?

Social distancing Own house Have kids Your husband
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I have a joke about government.The Nigerian government.That's the joke.

I have A joke About government
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If you want a direct answer, Ask a direct question

Direct answer Question Ask Direct question
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Last night i saw corona passing by but he dodged it.very skillful guy.

Last night Passing by Dodged it Skillful guy
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Girls make your own money it will save you from unnecessary sex.
Money Girls Save you Sex
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Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Nothing Ages Sight New
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A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.

Reveals Man Character Name
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Dear Woman, waste not your time in the quest to decipher the content of a man’s heart, for that is knowledge reserved only for him and his God

Dear woman Waste Your time The quest
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I used to fly a lot in my sleep. For a while I stopped flying. Last night I flew again. So vividly.I woke up happy.

To fly My sleep Stopped flying Flew again
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Didn't know Bin Laden was killed for refusing to wear a mask.This is wild.

Was killed For refusing To wear A mask
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We have a president more interested in beating people at golf than beating COVID-19.

President Beating people Golf Covid-19
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Work hard and make money ooo so they don’t serve you sprite as champagne

Work hard Make money Champagne Sprite
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Don’t tweet black lives matter if you are bleaching

Black lives matter Bleaching Tweet
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Think Funny Delicate Subjects
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We had to spend a couple of millions to find out what everyone knew?

To spend Of millions Find out Everyone knew
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Anytime you think to yourself "This gas has lasted for a long time" that's the day it will finish.

Anytime You think This gas Has lasted
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Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can't laugh at yourself, call me I'll laugh at you.

Life is Too short Be serious Can't laugh
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Does anybody else try to suppress a cough when in public? These days I squeeze out a cough the same way I used to stealth fart in pre-Covid times.

To suppress A cough In public Squeeze out
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We may not have Electricity,but we definitely have a Miss Universe!

May not Have electricity Miss universe
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If you want to breakup with someone, leave your phone unlocked and let the universe do the rest.

You want To breakup Leave Your phone
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What if the person you are dating is not dating you?

The person Are dating
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Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

Alcohol Cause Life Problems
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Sometimes, God gives you physical talent and takes away the brain.

God Talent Brain
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Committee Men Keeps Loses
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Problem Life Women Book
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One underrated form of therapy is seeing large amounts in your bank account.

Therapy Bank account Underrated Large amount
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