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2431 Comedian Quotes

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

Emphasis Generally Jokes Life
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Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

Able Bad Birds Deaf
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It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

Affectionate Around Day Every
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I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

Am Comedian Could Feel
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I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.

About Audience Energy Feed
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I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

Committed Couple Doing First
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Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!

Gets Headline Man Married
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I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

Albeit Decent Done Inadvertently
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I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

Being Comedian Great Interested
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I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

First Fish Learned Night
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I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Cab Drove Had Job
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Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

About Actually Around Casual
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I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.'

Come Go House Know
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When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.

Being Cross Dealing Get
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I'm not quite as anonymous as I was.

Anonymous Was As Quite
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I can't stand reading anything that I've said.

Anything Reading Said Stand
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Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!
After Divorce Home Lights
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If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?

About Could Course Going
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The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

American Food Hot Like
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I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

Am Any Anyone Been
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I have reservations about everything I do.

About Have Everything Reservations
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Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work - and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't.

About Afraid Anything Else
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It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.
Able Being Happy Makes
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Ability is of little account without opportunity.
Ability Account Little Opportunity
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One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

Busy Discouraged Faith Get
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If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do.
Ask Busy Busy Person Done
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I regret the passing of the studio system. I was very appreciative of it because I had no talent.

Appreciative Because Had No Talent
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I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

Am Brave Funny I Am
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Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

Anything Done Else Everything
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Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.
Entitled Every Every Man Fall
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Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush; otherwise you'll look like a patchwork quilt.

Close Everything Hand Like
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You see much more of your children once they leave home.

Children Home Leave More
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

About Age Eat Honestly
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The more things you do, the more you can do.
More Can Things You
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In life, all good things come hard, but wisdom is the hardest to come by.

Come Good Good Things Hard
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I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done.

Done Rather Regret Than
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I think knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can.

Cannot I Think Important Knowing
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I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.

Else Everyday Everything Everything Else
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How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them.

Born Decided Divorce How
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I am a real ham. I love an audience. I work better with an audience. I am dead, in fact, without one.

Am Audience Better Dead
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I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally.

Been Divorce Eyes Failure
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I will never do another TV series. It couldn't top I Love Lucy, and I'd be foolish to try. In this business, you have to know when to get off.

Another Business Foolish Get
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I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways.

Because Been Brought Happy
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I'm sometimes scared of everything that has happened to us. We didn't think Desilu Productions would grow so big. We merely wanted to be together and have two children.

Big Children Everything Grow
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Women's Lib? Oh, I'm afraid it doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts.

Afraid Been Bit Hurts
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A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

Age Bright Correctly Guesses
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I dyed my hair this crazy red to bid for attention. It has become a trademark, and I've got to keep it this way.

Attention Become Bid Crazy
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I'm not sure that I want to be without some lack of confidence. If you are too sure of yourself, you don't grow. You may feel confident in some things, but other fields come up as a challenge. And if you don't anticipate trouble, you will be in trouble.

Anticipate Challenge Come Confidence
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How to do half-hour comedy innovatively is something I do pride myself on. We invented it with 'I Love Lucy.'

Comedy How I Love I Love Lucy
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TV started for me just as a means of keeping my husband Desi off the road. He'd been on tour with his band since he got out of the Army, and we were in our 11th year of marriage and wanted to have children.

Army Band Been Children
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