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2431 Comedian Quotes

Don't hurt anybody.Just stay on your lane, be you and be truthful.

Hurt anybody Just stay Be truthful
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Always keep doing your best,and let all your thanks giving be to God.The right people will support you without you even asking and without them feeling like god in our lives.

Keep doing Your best Thanks giving To God
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No body cares,until you blow and then everybody will be proud of you,not knowing how you achieved it.

Nobody cares You blow Be proud Achieve it
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No one can disappoint you, if you don't allow it.

Disappoint you Allow it
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When the light of God shines upon you, the world begins to find a color that's not lost. People fear what they don't understand.

The light God shines Upon you People fear
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Money as taken over the place of Honor in our society.What is the use of Honor and integrity when you don't have money?

Money Taken over Honor Our society
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It'll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke it, or look around in the wildest laboratory in the world, the public.

Alive Laugh World Public
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I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

Education Intellect Common sense
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My family was as absolute as the work.Family was first always.

Family Absolute Work First
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The beauty of love, as far as I'm concerned, is it makes you better. It makes you stronger. It gives you direction. It gives you understanding of what life is and what we've been given.

Beauty Love Better Life
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Nothing can stop anyone who has a love and passion about their work.
Stop Love Passion Work
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I say to everybody, love is what wakes you up in the morning, love is what makes you walk, and love is what makes you hope.

Love Wakes Walk Hope
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That never stops. That's what drives you: the joy and excitement of doing what you love.

Stops Joy Excitement Love
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I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Think Funny Delicate Subjects
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To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Life One thing Movement Live
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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Sometimes Road Traveled Reason
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Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

Attention Life You Love
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There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Thing Fun Family
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When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

Someone Task Beautifully Environment
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You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

Know Esscence Comedy
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The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

Greatest thing Comedian Talk Fun
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Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Marriage Game Pieces Outcome
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Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.

Men Decision Want Game
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You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.
You Motivate Challenges Alive
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Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

Start Proven Road Death
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To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information.

Guy Laugh Full Information
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Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.

Stand-up Mission Life Passion
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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Bookstore Evidence People Thinking
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.

Comedy Friends Laugh People
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Book Failures Sell Success
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The best revenge is living well.

Best Revenge Living well
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My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.

Focus Pain Life Laugh
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Either you’re the one erasing or you’re the one being erased.

Either One Erasing Being
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Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.
Life Opportunities You Afraid
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It is better to risk starving to death than surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?

Risk Death Surrender Dreams
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As far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want and then working toward it while letting go of how it comes to pass.

Universe Want Working Pass
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I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.

Everybody Rich Famous Dreamed
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Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain’t desperate at some point, you ain’t interesting.

Desperation Learning Creating Interesting
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My soul is not contained within the limits of my body. My body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.

Soul Contained Limits Body
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If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.

Moment Uncertainty Pain Regret
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I don’t believe in hope. Hope is a beggar. Hope walks through the fire, faith leaps over it.

Believe Hope Begger Faith
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So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m the proof that you can ask the universe for it”

Choose Path Fear Dare
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I’m making a conscious choice to see challenges as beneficial so that I can deal with them in the most productive way

Choice Challenges Deal Productive
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I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which, was that you can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love

Lessons Fail Want Love
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I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ’Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.

Wake up Beautiful Good Lose
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I really believe in the philosophy that you create your own universe. I'm just trying to create a good one for myself.

Believe Philosophy Create Universe
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I'm very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.

Serious Drugs Life Beautiful
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I've arrived at the place if I'm not taking a career risk, I'm not happy. If I'm scared, then I know I'm being challenged.

Career Risk Happy Scared
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If you've got a talent, protect it.

Talent Protect
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Maybe other people will try to limit me but I don't limit myself.

People Limit Myself
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