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2431 Comedian Quotes

I am a lover of truth, a worshiper of freedom, a celebrant at the altar of language and purity and tolerance.

A lover Truth Worshiper Freedom
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No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time.

No adolescent Ever wants Be understood They complain
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Having a great intellect is no path to being happy.

Having Great intellect No path Being happy
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I like to wake up each morning and not know what I think, that I may reinvent myself in some way.

Wake up Each morning I think May reinvent
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Education is the sum of what students teach each other between lectures and seminars.

Education The sum What students Teach
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People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can’t

People Can change More reliable Happier
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Seriousness is no more a guarantee of truth, insight, authenticity or probity, than humor is a guarantee of superficiality and stupidity.

Seriousness Guarantee Truth Authenticity
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me.

Sticks Stones May break My bones
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I'm fat because I'm greedy, and if my mind is fat it's because I'm curious.

Fat Greedy My mind Curious
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A real education takes place, not in the lecture hall or library, but in the rooms of friends, with earnest frolic and happy disputation.

Real education Takes place Lecture hall The rooms
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Life, that can shower you with so much splendor, is unremittingly cruel to those who have given up.

Life Shower you Much splendor Unremittingly cruel
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Part of life is learning what to be ashamed of and what to be proud of.

Life Learning what Ashamed of Proud of
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Literature is the only access to truth we have on this planet.

Literature Only access The truth This planet
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There is simply no limit to the tyrannical snobbery that otherwise decent people can descend into when it comes to music.

No limit Tyrannical snobbery Decent people Can descend
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Little girls grow up to be women, little boys grow up to be little boys.

Little girls Grow up Be women Boys
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Read it wisely, Little One, for the power of ignorance is great.

It wisely Little one The power Ignorance
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Nature admits no hierarchy of beauty or usefulness or importance.

Nature admits No hierarchy Beauty Usefulness
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Just as it is the love of money that is the root of all evil, it is the belief in shamefulness that is the root of all misery.

Love Money The root All evil
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And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

Love Yourself Serve Only
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.

Fear People Minds Thinking
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

Pen Mightier Sword Gun
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I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.

Love Earth Planet World
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

Life Improvisation Idea Go along
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Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

Himor Lubricant Helps Bad spots
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Civilization itself . . . can easily be swept aside when mob passions are aroused.

Civilization Easily Mob passions Aroused
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Ideas have consequences, and totally erroneous ideas are likely to have destructive consequences.

Ideas Consequences Erroneous Destructive
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Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless

Radio Theater Mind Television
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One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations.

Nice things Problems Exist Imaginations
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If we do not know what humor is, that may be because we do not know what humankind is.

We Know Humor Humankind
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We will take almost any kind of criticism except the observation that we have no sense of humor.

We Kind Criticism Humor
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

Thankfully Persistence Great Talent
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It's pain that changes our lives.

Pain Changes Lives
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I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

Entertainment Aspire Art Idiot
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Be so good they can't ignore you.
Be Good Ignore You
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I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

Heard People Lie Fool
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Believe Equality Everybody Superior
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I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

Breathing Worst Business Mistake
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.

Learned Harm Delusions Inspiration
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Before Criticize Man Walk
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Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Comedy Art Peole Laugh
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I have found that-- just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

Found Real life Imagination Experience
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There are few takers for the quiet heart

Few Takers Quiet Heart
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Thought Yesterday Life Today
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All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

Life's Riddle Answered Movies
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Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

Comedy Distortion Happening Something
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She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn't be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.

She Body Precious Heart
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Thinking too much also creates the illusion of causal connections between unrelated events.

Thinking Creates Illusion Events
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Harder you Try, Luckier you get
Harder You Try Luckier
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

Writer's Fancy term Whiners Excuse
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Love is a promise delivered already broken.

Love Promise Delivered Broken
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