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2431 Comedian Quotes

You cannot confuse me because am already confuse

Confuse me Cannot You
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

Think Anything wrong Telling The truth
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Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.

Sometimes The sins Haven't committed Have left
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If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?

Could believe In myself Other improbabilities
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Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings

Real love Withholding The truth Perfect opportunity
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Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

Importance Good aim Recognize Pull
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Just make sure if you fail, you did what you wanted to do.

Make Fail Wanted Do
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My greatest fear in life is being dull. You can be great, you can be awful, but just don’t bother being dull.

My Greatest fear Life Dull
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I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

Found Happiness Something good Themselves
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If what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it really isn’t all that stupid.

What Done Stupid Works
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You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

You Teach Somebody Funny
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Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself.

Nobody Make Fun Myself
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A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Recent Study Shot Run
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Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.

Good Children Future World
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There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

Wrong Shallow Long Insightful
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I hope in general that my music allows somebody to follow what they really like doing.

I hope My music Allows somebody Like doing
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We put stereotypes on ourselves. Everybody does that. But I think it's just a little harder for black kids to just be who they are.

Put stereotypes Everybody Does that Little harder
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When anybody pays you to be creative, you're very lucky.

When anybody Pays you Be creative Very lucky
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Black culture is a fight. We want to hold on to what we are, but sometimes the things that we are can be totally negative. You have to think: can't we try something new and not be seen as suspect?

Black culture A fight Hold on Sometimes
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I personally don't believe people really grow. They just learn stuff when they were a kid, and hold on to it, and that affects every relationship they have.

Believe people Really grow Learn stuff A kid
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It seems the more I try to connect with the world, I am feeling more alone than I ever have felt before.

To connect The world Feeling more Alone
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Careers very rarely are a waste of time; jobs usually are.

Careers Rarely Waste Time
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If it makes you nervous- you're doing it right.

Makes you Nervous It right
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Shame is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, anyway, built into religion.

Shame Greatest aphrodisiacs The world Built
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Religion is the yeast of death cakes. It is the most awful agent on a vulnerable mind. It's the refuge of alienated and lonely people.

Religion The yeast Death Awful agent
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You’re not really an adult at all. You’re just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don’t understand.

An adult Tall child Holding A beer
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Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits

Money You love Really good Chocolate
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I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

Looking for Meaningful One-night stands
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Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

Not everyone Who drinks A poet
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Music is the surest way of reaching someone else's heart.

Music Surest way Reaching someone Else heart
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I certainly did feel inferior. Because of class. Because of strength. Because of height. I guess if I'd been able to hit somebody in the nose, I wouldn't have been a comic.

Feel inferior Of class Strength Height
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I am trapped in this body, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Am trapped This body Is nothing Can do
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Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

Your inability To see Yourself clearly What's keeping
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Women don't ask to be raped, but there are some that are asking to be motor boated

Women Don't ask Be rape Are asking
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That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.

Still feel Accurate description Felt homesick Was home
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We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

To stop Telling girls Be anything They want
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I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me.

I feel So confident Awesome With people
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Sometimes loving each other isn't enough. You have to be responsible for your own happiness. You can't stay in a relationship because you're afraid of the unknown.

Sometimes loving Each other Enough Be responsible
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I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful. I mean, I live in a three-room apartment. I mostly make free videos on my couch. But I am fine.

More famous Financially successful I live Apartment
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I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love.

Don't believe In Jesus God Fundamentalist
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We don't live in a democracy; we live in a hypocrisy.

Don't live A democracy We live A hypocrisy
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Making my family laugh when I was little - it became an addiction. It was a kind of survival.

My family Laugh An addiction Survival
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The worst and the best that the internet ever did was give everybody a voice.

Worst Best Internet Voice
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Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy...

Being Geek Honest Enjoy
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Happiness is where you start from rather than where you go. God, I sound like Yoda.

Happiness Start Go God
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Being a geek is extremely liberating

Being Geek Extremely Liberating
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We are never more creative than when we are at odds with the world and there is nothing so artistically destructive as comfort.

Creative Odds World Comfort
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I'm simply saying that our deepest thoughts, desires and preoccupations manifest themselves in art, whether we intend them to or not. That's what art is for; it's not cerebral, it's emotional.

Thought Desires Art Emotional
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Stop feeling sorry for yourself and you will be happy.

Stop feeling sorry Be happy
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The only reason people do not know much is because they do not care to know. They are incurious. Incuriousity is the oddest and most foolish failing there is.

Only reason Care Incurious Foolish failing
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