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2431 Comedian Quotes

Life’s never a postcard of life, is it? It never feels like how you’d want it to look.

Life Never.postcard Feel like Look
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People don't realize that the future is just now, but later.

People Realize Future Just now
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I know that's the sort of thing people say and I really hate it when people say the sort of things people say. I always think, 'You don't mean that, you just think it sounds good.

People say Really hate Things
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Murderers! Stop murdering. Everyone will die eventually. Just sit down and be patient.

Murderers Stop Everyone Will die
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Life is not a theme park, and if it is, the theme is death.

Life Theme park Death
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When you fall in love you recognize you're not the most important person in the world, and your focus becomes another person.

Fall In love Recognize Important person
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I didn't cross the line, you drew it in after I traversed it.

Cross The line You drew Traversed it
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I missed him, of course, but sometimes close friendships have a tidal beat that pulls you towards different shores though the ocean that connects you remains.

Close friendships Tidal beat Pulls you Ocean
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A personality for the incredibly beautiful can be a pointless cargo.

Personality Incredibly beautiful Pointless cargo
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Animals, children, and the working class comprise the company in which I'll feel most at ease.

Animals Children Working class Company
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A small minority cannot control an uncooperative majority, so they must be distracted, divided, tyrannized, or anesthetized into compliance.

Small minority Uncooperative majority Distracted Tyrannized
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We have been told that freedom is the ability to pursue petty, trivial desires when true freedom is freedom from these petty, trivial desires.

Freedom Ability Pursue petty Trivial desires
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I struggle in these situations not to let my madness govern me, and to let the positive aspects of my character define my life.

Struggle Madness Positive aspect My character
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By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

By puberty Learned Nothing worth Easily attained
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The only Revolution that can really change the world is the one in your own consciousness, and mine has already begun.

Only revolution Change World Own consciousness
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Spurred by Amy’s death I’ve tried to salvage unwilling victims from the mayhem of the internal storm and am always, always just pulled inside myself.

Spurred Army's death Salvage unwilling Victims
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I used to believe in the system that I was born into: aspire, acquire, consume, get famous and glamorous, get high and mighty, get paid and laid.

Believe System Born Aspire
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The only meaningful interpretation of any religious teaching is to honor the divine within ourselves and love the divine in one another.

Meaningful interpretation Religious teaching Honor
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Being famous is like a little bit of you is taken away and goes off and lives on its own and does what it wants... I wish it would do more interesting things!

Being famous Taken away Goes off Lives
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Strength does not have to be belligerent and loud.

Strength Have Belligerent Loud
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The most potent tool in maintaining the status quo is our belief that change is impossible.

Most potent Maintaining Status quo Change
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If you don't choose heroes, heroes will be chosen for you, and they will not represent values that empower you, they will represent powers that will enslave you
Choose heroes Chosen Represent values Empower
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That's what keeps me alive, perversion and star quality.

Keeps me Alive Perversion Quality
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Every moment is a fresh new beginning, a wonderful inauguration of the great cosmic journey through the universe. We can do whatever we want. We can change reality at any moment.

Every moment Fresh new Beginning Wonderful inauguration
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All desires are the inappropriate substitute for the desire to be at one with God.

All desire Inappropriate substitute God
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We are imprisoned within, hypnotized without, denying ourselves access to the internal peace and external harmony. Can we execute the perfect jailbreak when we have become our own jailers?

Imprisoned within Hypnotized Denying ourselves
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My modus operandi is that I'll be content with anything, as long as I know that it's the best that's possible.

Content Anything Best Possible
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419 no be thief, it's just a game Everybody dey play em

419 Thief Everybody Dey
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419 is just a game. You are the loser, I am the winner
Game 419 The loser The winner
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Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

Your thing Care
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If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

You retain Nothing else Most important Beauty
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Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

Whatever The problem Solution Raising questions
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In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.

Most cases Good boss Talented people Way
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Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions.Do your thing, and don't care if they like it.

Waste Energy Change opinions Care
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THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, only opportunities.

No mistakes Only opportunities
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You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

Can tell How smart People are Laugh at
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It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.

Never Be perfect Overrated Boring
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When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.

Choosing Sexual partners Remember Talent
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Never tell a crazy person he’s crazy.

Never tell Crazy person
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Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion

Confidence Hard work Delusion
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Sometimes if you have a difficult decision to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.

Sometimes Difficult decision Just stall Present itself
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Say yes and you'll figure it out afterwards.

Say yes Figure it Out afterwards
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It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good.

Impressively arrogant Conclude Like something Empirically
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things most people do naturally are often inexplicably difficult for me.

Things Most people Naturally Inexplicably difficult
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Seriously, I've just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.

Realized Everyone Fraud Bad
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The eyes are the window to where the soul is supposed to be.

Eyes Window Soul Supposed
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Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff?

Politics Prostitution Jobs Inexperience
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.

Being wealthy No one Else is Party
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My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

Death Remind me Earthquakes Shake
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.

Live Isolated existence In relationship My family
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