Menu

 Authors
A B C D E F
G H I J K L
M N O P Q R
S T U V W S
Y Z
Get Socialize
My Account
Make Free Wallpaper

2431 Comedian Quotes

The grass may be greener on the other side but the the water bill is higher.

The grass Be greener Other side Water bill
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Teach but never try to change people because sometimes they change back.

Teach Never try Change people Sometimes
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Be careful what you say, life and death truly are in your own words.

Be careful You say Life Death
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Always aim for right and avoid doing wrong at all costs.

Always aims Right Avoid Doing wrong
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Heartbreak can make you hard! But don't let it make you bitter.

Heartbreak You hard Make you Bitter
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Take time to smell the roses but be careful of the bees.

Take time Smell Roses Careful
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Share wisdom with those who will receive it.

Share wisdom Will receive
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Be aware of the darkness but your focus should always be the light.
Be aware Darkness Focus The light
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You can learn something from everything and everybody, especially the elderly.

Learn something Everything Everybody The elderly
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Your beginning never dictates your destination.
Your beginning Dictates Your destination
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Bitterness is as toxic as stage 4 cancer.

Bitterness Toxic Stage Cancer
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The will to live is as strong as the will to love and be loved.

The will Live Strong Love
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Children's' laughter is like medicine to sadness.

Children's laughter Medicine Sadness
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Never wish to be somebody else.

Never wish Somebody else
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Life is short but heartache is shorter

Life Short Heartache
  Favorite Make wallpaper

It ain't what people call you. It's what you answer to.

What People call You Answer to
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The dream will outlive the dreamer so dream big.

The dream Outlive Dreamer Big
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Live where you are so God can meet you at your needs

Live God Meet you Your needs
  Favorite Make wallpaper

It takes a while to build a dream

It takes A while Dream
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Women Cannot Complain Men anymore
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit!

Suicide Man's way Telling God Fire me
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

Have Problem People Constitution loosely
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Go back Using facebook Originally for
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Think Religion Neurological disorder
  Favorite Make wallpaper

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.

We need More people Speaking out Country
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Saying someone is religious is heard in most of America as a compliment, a reassuring affirmation that someone will be moral, ethical, and after a few glasses of wine, a freak in the bedroom.

Saying someone Religious Heard Compliment
  Favorite Make wallpaper

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

Most christian The bible Software license Nobody
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.

The world Changing much Faster
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Don't you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?

You miss The days Just morally Bankrupt
  Favorite Make wallpaper

When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

When opportunity Knocks Some people Can do
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I hate stupidity, but what I hate even more is when people actually brag about it.

Hate stupidity When people Brag About it
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My personal savior is common sense. And as far as God goes, I prefer to believe in one that would want me to use the excellent brain he gave us all.

Personal savior Common sense God goes Believe in
  Favorite Make wallpaper

We're a complacent society, hard to get riled up in the first place, and then when we do, it's misdirected.

Complacent society First place Misdirected
  Favorite Make wallpaper

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

Coward Courage Always looks Stupidity
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime.

Women Property Bible Adultery
  Favorite Make wallpaper

But females in even the most advanced Muslim countries are simply, by law, not the equal of men.

Females Most advanced Muslim countries By law
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The point is, a leader does what he thinks is right, not what he thinks the popular thing is.

Leader does What he thinks Right Popular
  Favorite Make wallpaper

True patriotism is doing something for your country.

True patriotism Doing something Your country
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I don't ridicule religion, it ridicules itself.

Ridicule religion Itself
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.

Give Girl Right shoes Conquer
  Favorite Make wallpaper

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

After thirty Mind Its own
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

Worst part Success Someone Happy
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I bear no grudges. I have a mind that retains nothing.

No grudges Mind Retains nothing
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I learned to accept the audience's happiness for me, which is one of the hardest things for me to learn.

Learned Accept Audience's happiness Hardest things
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.

My idea Superwoman Someone Scrubs
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Find your Light; They can't love you if they can't see you

Your light Love you See you
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on.

Never trust Man When left Alone
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

You judge Man Walk Mile
  Favorite Make wallpaper

There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.

Such thing Bad wealth Wrong clothes
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Life Be fun Job Occupation
  Favorite Make wallpaper