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435 Humorist Quotes

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well

Life Holding Cards Playing
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Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.

Love Telescope Envy Microscope
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Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.

Sucess Blunders Making Second time
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Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.

Laughing Sensation Feeling Principally
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Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius

Common sense Instinct Genius
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Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.

Tomorrow Enjoyed Today
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There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.

Revenge Complete Forgiveness
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One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.

Victories Gain Beat Politeness
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As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Scarce Truth Supply Demand
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Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

Reason Mistakes Conscience
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Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense

Genius Elegant Common sense
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Remember the poor, it costs nothing.

Remember Poor Costs Nothing
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There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply

Easy Experience Hard Apply
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The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.

Best time Feel Say Bust
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Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.

Troubles Life Saying yes No
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Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.

Learning Libraries Wisdom Everywhere
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The trouble with most folks isn't their ignorance. It's knowing so many things that ain't so.

Trouble Folks Ignorance Knowing
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Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

Postage Stick Until Get there
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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

Originality Writer Achieve Judgment
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There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.

Evidence Intelligence Surprised Nothing
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Health is like money, we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it.
Health Money Value Lose
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The man who has never been tempted doesn't know how dishonest he is.

Man Tempted Dishonest
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It is a great art to be superior to others without letting them know it.

Art Superior Know
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Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.

Mistake Pleasure Happiness
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Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

Music Charm Soothe Beast
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Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

Silence Arguments Refute
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True wisdom is plenty of experience, observation, and reflection. False wisdom is plenty of ignorance, arrogance, and impudence.

Wisdom Experience Reflecton Ignorance
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Opinions should be formed with great caution, and changed with greater.

Opinions Formed Caution Changed
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Liberty, like chastity, once lost, can never be regained in its original purity.

Liberty Chastity Lost Purity
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beauty Eye Holder Bear
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I always advise people never to give advice.

Advise Advice Never I
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The main obligation is to amuse yourself.

Main Obligation Amuse Yourself
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Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

Laughter Fireworks Soul
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Wisdom deprives even poverty of half its power.

Wisdom Deprives Poverty Power
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Experience makes more timid men than it does wise ones.

Experience Timid Men Wise
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