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"41 Kinky Friedman Quotes & Sayings

      American     /     View profile
Born: 1 November 1944 | Musician | Novelist | Humorist | Politician |
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beauty Eye Holder Bear
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A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

Happy Childhood The Worst
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You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

Pretend Have That Your
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I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Even Went So Far
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If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

Willie Nelson Had Been
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Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Remember All Is Singular
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I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
Support Gay Marriage Believe
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We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

Got Clear Some Room
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Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Musicians Run Can State
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I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

Just Want Texas Be
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If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.
If You Ain't Texan
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I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.

Admit To Drinking It
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When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

When Governor Be The
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The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

The Teachers Are Getting
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We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

First Executions Were Funding
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Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Politics The Only Field
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I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

Will Sign Anything Except
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I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

Keep Us Out Of
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I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
Have Better Head Hair
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I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

Too Young Medicare Old
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Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

Yes I'm Christian Jesus
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May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

May The God Your
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And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

And Musicians Better Run
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You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

You Struggle With Your
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The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themselves in the mirror.

Democrats Republic Same Guy
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Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Well Jesus Both Jewish
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I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

Tell You Right Now
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I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

Remember First Half Life
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The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.

The Only Currency Value
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We were a country band with a social conscience.

We Were Country Band
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These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

Days There Many People
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William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

William Bennett's My Patron
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No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

Nothing Has Changed My
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I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Always Said Money May
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The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

Elected First Thing Demands
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I see an issue I like, and I support it.

See Issue Like Support
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Young people are the key to this election.

Young People The Key
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We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.
We've Had Be Creative
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I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

Admit To Drinking It
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Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
Students Don't Know Who
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How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

How Can You Look
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Kinky Friedman Quotes & Sayings