Menu

 Authors
A B C D E F
G H I J K L
M N O P Q R
S T U V W S
Y Z
Get Socialize
My Account
Make Free Wallpaper

2431 Comedian Quotes

I didn't want to go marching down the street with camera crews. Oy. To get married? Really? It seems like you have an agenda when you do it that way. I wouldn't want to get married to be an example.

Agenda Camera Down Example
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Mr. Steven Bochco is a very wise man. After a many-monthed nationwide search to find a precocious teenage doctor, he hired me.

After Doctor Find He
  Favorite Make wallpaper

What I enjoy so much about the Tonys' uniqueness is that anyone who's tuning in has an interest in seeing the show, so our job is halfway done.

About Anyone Done Enjoy
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I was a big fan of how Johnny Carson hosted awards shows. Dick Cavett, as well, I think did a really great job of providing a nice blend of comedy, wit and class.

Awards Big BigFan Blend
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I like to make decisions based on things I'm interested in doing, not what seems like the next move in my quote-unquote career.

Based Career Decisions Doing
  Favorite Make wallpaper

By the time you start appreciating and having better plans for your youth, you fit don old, so…

Time Start Appreciating Better plans
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You don’t hate me; you are just too used to liking me.

Hate Used to Liking me
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Building a legacy is a lifetime task, So I don’t have time to stop and pose with material achievements. It’s always cool to want to attach success to what you can see. The most important attributes of success are those you can feel.

Building Legacy Lifetime task Material achievement
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Please never stop dreaming, but wake up and get it…

Please Dreaming Wake up
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Progressiveness is not just about advancement, it’s also about making sure you don’t do anything in the past that could hold you back.

Progressiveness Advancement Making sure
  Favorite Make wallpaper

People don’t respect the humble ones but hate on the proud ones.

People Respect Humble ones Hate
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My brother hustle oh!! Make you no come dey explain the nutritional value of stale soup to your children!

My brother Hustle Explain Nutritional value
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Watch the energy you put out to the universe. It is a cycle.
Watch Energy Put out Universe
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Knowledge hasn’t fulfilled its course 360 if it hasn’t been passed down.

Knowledge Fulfilled Course Passed down
  Favorite Make wallpaper

No crash course on life!Get that knowledge by yourself on the go, no HANDOUTS.

Crash Life Knowledge Handouts
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I don’t judge people to feel good about myself.

Judge People Feel good Myself
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Children are the future. Teach and lead them right with your actions, not just words.

Children Future Teach Lead
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Happiness is a choice, not necessarily a result.
Happiness Choice Result
  Favorite Make wallpaper

When it comes to challenges, it is more of a personal thing for everyone to stay on the pulse, to evolve, to flow with the times, to bring new things every time.

Comes Challenges Personal thing Pulse
  Favorite Make wallpaper

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, as long as it’s touching somebody in a positive manner, it is a market.

No matter Doing Touching somebody
  Favorite Make wallpaper

A waste is someone who sits and dreams while others are working.

Waste Dreams Others Working
  Favorite Make wallpaper
If you work smart, then you won’t have to work hard, it becomes soft work.
Work smart Work hard Soft work
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Dream big, but also work hard. Do things to better your craft.

Dream big Work hard Craft
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Be humble and stay humble because that is one thing that would get you places as opposed to just your talent. Remain grounded in whatever you do.

Humble Stay Places Opposed
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Everybody’s story must not be the same, just make sure you’re making the right decisions.

Everybody's body Story Same Right decision
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Just go up to somebody on the street and say “You’re it!” and just run away.

Just go Street Run away
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.

Really Think Burns of steel
  Favorite Make wallpaper

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

Beginning God Light.
  Favorite Make wallpaper

When I go hiking and I get over the hill, That means I am past the hard part and there is a snack in my future. That’s a good thing as far as I am concerned.

Go hiking Means Snack Future
  Favorite Make wallpaper

But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let’s get our priorities straight. I think we all know what’s really important in life? winning an Oscar.

I think Scheme Important
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.

You know Excuse Dress
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Accept who you are unless you’re a serial killer.

Accept Who you Serial killer
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
Life Short Butterfly Average
  Favorite Make wallpaper

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

People Funny Child Accountant
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

Stuffed deer Wearing Dark glasses
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

I think Have Barbie Buzz cut
  Favorite Make wallpaper

We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.

Kindness Compassion Laughter Joy
  Favorite Make wallpaper

It’s our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that’s what I know for sure… I think.

Challenges Obstacles Layers Fun
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Procrastination isn’t the problem, it’s the solution. So procrastinate now, don’t put it off.

Procrastination Problem Solution
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.

Feel Hangover Happy memories
  Favorite Make wallpaper

If someone says you’re weird, say Thank You.

Someone Weird Thank you
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Go to bed in your fireplace, you’ll sleep like a log

Go Bed Fireplace Sleep
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.

Do things Happy Confines Legal system
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You are never too old to play. You are only too old for low-rise jeans.

Never Too old Play
  Favorite Make wallpaper
Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
Never follow Path Means
  Favorite Make wallpaper
e aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble
Space aliens Best creation Offer Pray
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else’s expense. And I find that that’s just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings.

Most comedy Laugh Expense Hurting
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I don’t understand the sizes anymore. There’s a size zero, which I didn’t even know that they had. It must stand for: “Ohhh my God, you’re thin

Understand Sizes Zero God
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

Normal Dressed Buy Work
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.

Godmother Great thing God
  Favorite Make wallpaper