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2431 Comedian Quotes

What I have found that my comedy is doing - and what really drives me - is to sort of bring women together through pointing out why we act so crazy.

Act Bring Comedy Crazy
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You can't deny the truth. And that's what makes smart comedy so good.

Comedy Deny Good Makes
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I was frustrated in general with the way women are always portrayed. And it's always through a man's eyes.

Always Eyes Frustrated General
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I remember playing a college in Michigan, and they all held up their hand to show me where they live, which made me wonder what weird alien cult I had entered.

Alien College Cult Entered
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There's nothing 'flash in the pan' about my career. It's been built fan by fan, city by city.

About Been Built Career
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There's no anger in my act towards anyone other than myself... and maybe airlines.
Act Airlines Anger Anyone
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I was a huge 'Blind Date' fan, though, when I was younger; that was on when I was in high school.

Blind Date Fan High
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Instant gratification takes too long.

Gratification Instant Instant Gratification Long
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I think of my body as a side effect of my mind.
Body Effect I Think Mind
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The manic end of is a lot of fun.

End Fun Lot Manic
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Kevin Smith is a very challenging conversationalist and Jay has many great stories.

Challenging Great Great Stories Jay
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I'm fine, but I'm bipolar. I'm on seven medications, and I take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have. I'm never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It's like being a diabetic.

Allowed Being Bipolar Constantly
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I went to a doctor and told him I felt normal on acid, that I was a light bulb in a world of moths. That is what the manic state is like.

Acid Bulb Doctor Felt
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I think that the truth is a really stern taskmistress.

I Think Really Stern Think
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I spent a year in a 12-step program, really committed, because I could not believe what had happened - that I might have killed myself.

Because Believe Committed Could
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I really love the internet. They say chat-rooms are the trailer park of the internet but I find it amazing.

Amazing Find Internet Love
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I don't want to be thought of as a survivor because you have to continue getting involved in difficult situations to show off that particular gift, and I'm not interested in doing that anymore.

Anymore Because Continue Difficult
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Drugs made me feel more normal.

Feel Made Me More
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I was street smart, but unfortunately the street was Rodeo Drive.

Drive Rodeo Smart Street
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As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.
Get Older People You
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You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

Any Because Closeness Does
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I don't think Christmas is necessarily about things. It's about being good to one another, it's about the Christian ethic, it's about kindness.

About Another Being Christian
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People are still asking me if I knew Star Wars was going to be that big of a hit. Yes, we all knew. The only one who didn't know was George.

Asking Big George Going
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I am a spy in the house of me. I report back from the front lines of the battle that is me. I am somewhat nonplused by the event that is my life.

Am Back Battle Event
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I was born into big celebrity. It could only diminish.

Big Born Celebrity Could
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Acting engenders and harbours qualities that are best left way behind in adolescence.

Acting Adolescence Behind Best
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He's a very strange guy, my father. I can't get mad at him because he's so adorable.
Adorable Because Father Get
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My mother's career was over at 40 but she was still trying to be everyone's buddy, always smiling for the cameras.

Always Buddy Cameras Career
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I did the traditional thing with falling in love with words, reading books and underlining lines I liked and words I didn't know. It was something I always did.

Always Books Did Falling
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I like performing. I like partnering with an audience.

Audience Attitude Like Performing
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People see me and they squeal like tropical birds or seals stranded on the beach.
Beach Birds Like Me
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No, as it turns out, I really like being congratulated on my weight loss. I like it so much, it's tragic.

Being Like Loss Much
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I have a chemical imbalance that, in its most extreme state, will lead me to a mental hospital.

Chemical Extreme Hospital Imbalance
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The world of manic depression is a world of bad judgment calls.
Bad Calls Depression Judgment
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I am mentally ill. I can say that. I am not ashamed of that. I survived that, I'm still surviving it, but bring it on. Better me than you.

Am Ashamed Better Bring
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Certainly there are people who like me, but then there are those who don't know me who gossip about me. You can't believe the things I've heard.

About Believe Certainly Gossip
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I am a very discreet human when it comes to other people.

Am Discreet Human I Am
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I'm very sane about how crazy I am.

About Am Crazy How
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Mothers are great. They outlast everything. But when they're bad, they're the worst thing that can happen.

Bad Everything Great Happen
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Anything you can do in excess for the wrong reasons is exciting to me.

Anything Excess Exciting Me
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Everything is negotiable. Whether or not the negotiation is easy is another thing.
Another Easy Everything Negotiation
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I'll never be known for my work with boundaries.

Boundaries Known Never Work
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There's a line I have that our family was designed more for public than for private. But there are definitely some things that are only mine. I am someone who dreams at night, and you don't know what I'm dreaming.

Am Definitely Designed Dreaming
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If anything, my mother taught me how to sur-thrive. That's my word for it.

Anything How Me Mother
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My father was a joyous, joyous spirit, he really was. He was a hedonist, that was just - he enjoyed life, thrust up to the elbows with it. He was a terrible father. I don't know that he was parented that well.

Elbows Enjoyed Father He
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Mistakes are a drag, because you get in the area of regret and self-pity.

Area Because Drag Get
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Females get hired along procreative lines. After 40, we're kind of cooked.

After Along Cooked Females
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There is no point at which you can say, 'Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.'

Might Nap No Point Now
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Two of the saddest words in the English language are, 'What party?' And L.A. is the 'What party?' capital of the world.

Capital English English Language Language
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I started out doing my mother's nightclub act, and I had stage fright.

Act Doing Fright Had
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