If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now, we would probably forget you were there, we'd just be cracking jokes. It's like Beavis and Butthead.

Nikki Sixx

Cracking Forget Jokes Just

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When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh. So you become the hero rather than the victim of the joke.

Nora Ephron

Banana Become Hero Joke

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All the truly great stand-ups say, 'I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work.' To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.

Patton Oswalt

Doing End Go Great

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Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, 'This is where I wanna be.'

Patton Oswalt

Back Before Comedians Doing

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I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

Paul Rudd

Because Comedian Concern Consider

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I have an airplane hangar with 17 cars in it. That's no joke. I have a 'half pipe' in there, too - you know, like a big ramp, where I skateboard. It's awesome. It's the ultimate fantasy.

Paul Walker

Airplane Awesome Big Car

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Anything traumatic in my life I've always dealt with through jokes and comedy.

Paul Rudd

Always Anything Comedy Dealt

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Dwarves are still the butt of jokes. It's one of the last bastions of acceptable prejudice.

Peter Dinklage

Acceptable Butt Jokes Last

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A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Person reveals Character Joke Resents

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I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

Rainn Wilson

Regular Sitcoms Terrible Jokes

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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Rita Rudner

Eighteen Feeling Get God

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Have you ever heard a good joke? If you've ever heard someone just right, with the right pacing, then you're already on the way to poetry. It's about using words in very precise ways and using gesture.

Rita Dove

About Ever Gesture Good

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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

Rita Rudner

About ILove IThink Jokes

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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

Rita Rudner

Feeling Get Happy IWrite

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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

Rita Rudner

Audience Feel FeelGood Good

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There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

Larry David

Emphasis Generally Jokes Life

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Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.

Robert Orben

Insecure Joke Line More

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Some jokes are less agreeable than others

Harriet Beecher Stowe

Some jokes Agreeable

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For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.

Laurence Sterne

Acquire Enemies Every Hundred

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I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me... anecdotes. But never a joke.

Lucille Ball

Anecdotes Happened How I Can

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A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

Consisting Could Entirely Good

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Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

Jackson Browne

About Always Each How

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In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

Roseanne Barr

Able Find Good Joke

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I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

Roseanne Barr

About Adult Bankrupt Cheese

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I don't like a bunch of writers sitting around, puffing smoke, they like this book, he wrote this - tell me a dirty joke, you know. It's just not my style, I've never been that kind of person.

James McBride

Around Been Book Bunch

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I don't mind being the butt of the joke... It doesn't really bother me. I quite enjoy it.

Ryan Seacrest

Being Bother Butt Enjoy

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You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great.

Jamie Foxx

Actor Anything Black Control

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Death is another story. I will never make a joke about death. It is beyond my powers.

Mario Puzo

Death Never Joke Beyond

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I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

Tahar Ben Jelloun

Love life Friendship Laughter

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When you do nothing and allow problems to escalate, you are not a leader. You are a joke

Nasir Ahmad el-Rufai

Do nothing Allow problems Escalate A leader

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Don't insult people base on their mistake or downfall in life,such insults/jokes can make one suicidal if u don't know what to say SHUT UP

Bose Alao

Insult people Their mistakes Downfall One suicidal

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For someone to say that marriage is only about procreation is a joke. I didn't marry my husband to have children. I married my husband because I love my husband.

Aisha Tyler

Marriage About procreation A joke My husband

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But men and women, getting along, it's a joke. We have completely different brains, it's a completely different thing.

Christina Applegate

Nen Women Getting along A joke

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My heart bleeds for the unfortunate victims of rape and mostly that some humans think rape is something to joke about

Eniola Badmus

My heart Bleeds Unfortunate victims Rape

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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Dick Clark

Humor Based on Modicum Of truth

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I have a joke about government.The Nigerian government.That's the joke.

Tunde Leye

I have A joke About government

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No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke.

John Waters

Comedy Good Long Joke

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" Quotes and Sayings About joke

If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now, we would probably forget you were there, we'd just be cracking jokes. It's like Beavis and Butthead.

Nikki Sixx

When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh. So you become the hero rather than the victim of the joke.

Nora Ephron

All the truly great stand-ups say, 'I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work.' To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.

Patton Oswalt

Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, 'This is where I wanna be.'

Patton Oswalt

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

Paul Rudd

I have an airplane hangar with 17 cars in it. That's no joke. I have a 'half pipe' in there, too - you know, like a big ramp, where I skateboard. It's awesome. It's the ultimate fantasy.

Paul Walker

Anything traumatic in my life I've always dealt with through jokes and comedy.

Paul Rudd

Dwarves are still the butt of jokes. It's one of the last bastions of acceptable prejudice.

Peter Dinklage

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

Rainn Wilson

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Rita Rudner

Have you ever heard a good joke? If you've ever heard someone just right, with the right pacing, then you're already on the way to poetry. It's about using words in very precise ways and using gesture.

Rita Dove

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

Rita Rudner

I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.

Rita Rudner

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

Rita Rudner

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

Larry David

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.

Robert Orben

Some jokes are less agreeable than others

Harriet Beecher Stowe

Laurence Sterne

I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me... anecdotes. But never a joke.

Lucille Ball

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

Jackson Browne

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

Roseanne Barr

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

Roseanne Barr

I don't like a bunch of writers sitting around, puffing smoke, they like this book, he wrote this - tell me a dirty joke, you know. It's just not my style, I've never been that kind of person.

James McBride

I don't mind being the butt of the joke... It doesn't really bother me. I quite enjoy it.

Ryan Seacrest

You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great.

Jamie Foxx

Death is another story. I will never make a joke about death. It is beyond my powers.

Mario Puzo

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

Tahar Ben Jelloun

When you do nothing and allow problems to escalate, you are not a leader. You are a joke

Nasir Ahmad el-Rufai

Don't insult people base on their mistake or downfall in life,such insults/jokes can make one suicidal if u don't know what to say SHUT UP

Bose Alao

Aisha Tyler

But men and women, getting along, it's a joke. We have completely different brains, it's a completely different thing.

Christina Applegate

My heart bleeds for the unfortunate victims of rape and mostly that some humans think rape is something to joke about

Eniola Badmus

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Dick Clark

I have a joke about government.The Nigerian government.That's the joke.

Tunde Leye

No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke.

John Waters

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