Menu

 Authors
A B C D E F
G H I J K L
M N O P Q R
S T U V W S
Y Z
Get Socialize
My Account
Make Free Wallpaper

"50 Roseanne Barr Quotes & Sayings

      American     /     View profile
Born: 3 November 1952 | Actress | Comedian | Writer | Film producer | Politician |
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
Anger Children Experts Feeling
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

Because Believe Bigger Decrease
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Gives Just Learn Nobody
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

Apparel Because Emphasis Gays
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

About Complain Month Myself
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids.

Being Beneath Earth Every
  Favorite Make wallpaper

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

Being Hell Lot More
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

Agreement Husband Mutual Pact
  Favorite Make wallpaper
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
Alive Done Feel Gets
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

Chest Heart His Man
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

Life Most Nuts
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

Any Consider Good Judge
  Favorite Make wallpaper

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

About Fat Just Okay
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.

Bed Before Birth Control
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

Divorce Last Marriage Seriously
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.

Came Comic Here Laugh
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think.

Any Better Fact Get
  Favorite Make wallpaper

'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.

Also Around Complimentary Everyone
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Everything that's written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it.

About Anything Avalanche Everything
  Favorite Make wallpaper
I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.
Anymore Life Live Living
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously.

Almost Because Beyond Clearly
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem!

American Consistently Data Facts
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.

Am Problem Therefore Woman
  Favorite Make wallpaper

It's not really the job of a public servant to inspire, but to get the job that the people demand done. The Democrats think that if they have hope and are inspired, things will get better, but they actually won't.

Actually Better Demand Democrats
  Favorite Make wallpaper

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

Bought Farm First Iowa
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty.

Am Favor Guilty Return
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought.

America Both Bought Cannot
  Favorite Make wallpaper
The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.
Alive Dissent Elections Hang
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.

Ask Comics Offer Only
  Favorite Make wallpaper
You can't break through Hollywood formulaic points of view. I've tried, and I think I was more successful than anybody at doing it.
Anybody Break Doing Hollywood
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.

Become Me Politician President
  Favorite Make wallpaper

There is no real third party in America. There's this one party that has two sides to it - the Democratic and Republican side. It's one party that has two heads.

America Democratic Heads Party
  Favorite Make wallpaper

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

Able Find Good Joke
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

About Adult Bankrupt Cheese
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office.

American Both Democrats Election
  Favorite Make wallpaper

After my 1985 appearance on 'The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,' I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.

Act After Appearance Hollywood
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Imitation is the sincerest form of show business.

Business Form Imitation Show
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you how I did it, but then I would have to kill you.

Did How Know Makes
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.

Biology Bothered Enjoying Great
  Favorite Make wallpaper
You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.
Always Better Get Getting
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.

Always Because Could Perform
  Favorite Make wallpaper

You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship.

Healthy Kind Personality Relationship
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool.

About Cool Dinner Earning
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful.

Calm Find How Know
  Favorite Make wallpaper

To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes.

About Because Discipline Great
  Favorite Make wallpaper

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.

Funny Humor Kept Know
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'

Anything Because Domestic Fun
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My real life is funnier than anything on TV.

Anything Funnier Life Real
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.

All Art Comedy Form
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Meditation state is a place of deep relaxation where you can pinpoint the things you do and to set a paradigm switch from effect to cause. So how to be a cause in your own life.

Cause Deep Effect How
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Roseanne Barr Quotes & Sayings