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2431 Comedian Quotes

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

Big BigTime Childhood Coming
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I like sitting and writing with my buddies.

Buddies Like Sitting Writing
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I grew up cursing a lot. It felt natural. My parents told me to stop.
Cursing Felt Grew Lot
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I've always liked older ladies, ever since my mother would have B'nai B'rith at our house.

Always Ever House Ladies
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My grandmother used to embarrass me more, when she would pick me up from school wearing a big fuzzy hat. I didn't like that.

Big Embarrass Fuzzy Grandmother
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SNL is a home. You've got all of your brothers and sisters there, and it's a great time.

Brothers BrothersAndSisters Got Great
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In one day, I have times where I'm feeling great, I feel like I love my life, and then 2:30 rolls around and I'm the angriest man alive. My wife sees it.

Alive Around Day Feel
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I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

Actor Become Comedian Excited
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I wasn't a kid growing up thinking, 'One day I'll get an Oscar and make a speech.' That wasn't on my mind.

Day Get Growing GrowingUp
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My sisters are stronger and my brother's bigger than me.

Bigger Brother Me Sisters
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Girls are soft and pretty.
Girl Pretty Soft
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Through my films I'm eventually trying to one day tell the truth. I don't know if I'm ever going to get there, but I'm slowly letting pieces of myself out there and then maybe by the time I'm 85, I'll look back and say, 'All right, that about sums it up.'

About Back ByTheTime Day
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I prefer musicals, because I am the best dancer who ever lived. The best plies, the best sashays, and by far the best-smelling Capezios.

Am Because Best Dancer
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God gave me some weird, beautiful scent that makes men and women go crazy. People compare it to Carvel. It is a whale of a smell.

Beautiful Compare Crazy CrazyPeople
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When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

Kid Parents School Stare
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My father used to wear the same pants for like a week.

Father Like Pants Same
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I read to my kid, but I can't stand reading.
Kid Read Reading Stand
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It's nice when little teams win.

Little Nice Teams Win
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I've always wanted to do a family movie.

Always Family Movie Wanted
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I can handle pain.

Handle ICan Pain
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I'm not great at bedtime stories. Bedtime stories are supposed to put the kid to sleep. My kid gets riled up and then my wife has to come in and go, 'All right! Get out of the room.'

Bedtime Come Get Gets
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When the kids are laughing in the audience, I tear up, I'm so happy I did a nice thing.

Audience Did Happy Kids
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My name is Adam Sandler. I'm not particularly talented. I'm not particularly good-looking. And yet I'm a multi-millionaire.

Adam AdamSandler Good-Looking Name
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Kids end up seeing my movies anyway but some of the mothers get mad at me so I figured I'd make one that I can't get yelled at for.

Anyway End Figured Get
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I've always had lots of friends and my house was the house they all hung out at.
Always Friends Had House
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It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.
It's Not The Men
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To err is human, but it feels divine.

To Err Is Human
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Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

Love Conquers All Things
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Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

Those Who Are Easily
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When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

When Am Good Very
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It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

It Is Better Be
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I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.

I Like Restraint If
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I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?

Only Have Yes Men
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A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

Man Has One Hundred
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He who hesitates is a damned fool.

He Who Hesitate Is
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I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

Believe In Censorship Made
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She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

She Is The Type
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It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.

It Ain't No Sin
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A man's kiss is his signature.

A Man's Kiss Is
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Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Marriage Great Institution But
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A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.

Man Like Can Be
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A hard man is good to find
A Hard Man Is
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Sex is emotion in motion.

Sex Is Emotion Motion
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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

You Only Live Once
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I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.

I Only Like Two
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I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

Generally I Avoid Temptation
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I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

Never Loved Another Person
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Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain

Save Boyfriend For Rainy
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Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

Give A Man Free
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When women go wrong, men go right after them.

When Woman Go Wrong
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