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5960 Actor Quotes

Two wrongs do not make a right; but three rights make a left.

Two wrong Right Make Left
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When things are bad, it's the best time to reinvent yourself.

Things Bad Best time Reinvent
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It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.
Great day White people Black Latinos
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I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV.

Come from Background Loving couples
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I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.

Want Nobody Only way Somebody
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When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps.

Look at Gospel Speaking How
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I can't pay her back, but what I can do is make her as happy as she thought I would when we first got married.
Pay Back Happy First
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I had a very difficult childhood. I was surrounded by people who had both parents, which made me feel different. Having a bit of a rougher existence early on, it made me appreciate the work ethic that my grandparents instilled in me.

Difficult childhood Surrounded Parent
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I never realized I could love people as much as I do now

Realized Love people Do now
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I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don't need a strong political background in.

I believe Things Care Strong political
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It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to be able to pull all that together.

About black White Many people Mixed backgrounds
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If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.

Worst thing Nobody laughs Deal Factory
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I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.

Spent days Answering question Thank me
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I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Prinze, George Carlin and all.

Love comedy Exercise Writing Years
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Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

Chocolate Eat Fight Fighting
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There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.
Also Certain Funny Jews
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Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Humiliating Involve Man Most
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And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

Emerged Eventually Kept Me
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Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Anyone Bald Confident Diamond
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At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me.

Character Doing First Gonna
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Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.
Back Crazy Drives Even
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Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
Every Just Precarious Relationship
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I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

Army Because Bush End
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I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

About Anyone Emotional Even
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I just feed off the energy of the audience.
Audience Energy Feed Just
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I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.
After Just Laughs Really
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I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

Become Comedy Doing Had
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I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Future Good Had Homeless
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I'm a walking, talking enigma.

Enigma A Talking Walking
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I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

At Least One Continue Empty Ensure
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If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

About Becomes Feeling Funny
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It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

Comedy Coming Hear Kind
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Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Glad Improvised Most Scene
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Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

Being Glamorous Had Look
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The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

Anymore Change I Can Only
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Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Bleak Days Doing Some
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Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Happy Know Only Really
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When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.

Around Good Homeless Living
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When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
Complete Complete Freedom Concerned Freedom
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Women love a self-confident bald man.

Bald Love Man Women
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You write about what you know.

About Know Write You
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It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

Began Country Dawn Home
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There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

After Been Better Day
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There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

Emphasis Generally Jokes Life
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Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

Able Bad Birds Deaf
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It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

Affectionate Around Day Every
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I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

Am Comedian Could Feel
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I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.

About Audience Energy Feed
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I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

Committed Couple Doing First
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Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!

Gets Headline Man Married
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