Menu

 Authors
A B C D E F
G H I J K L
M N O P Q R
S T U V W S
Y Z
Get Socialize
My Account
Make Free Wallpaper

" Quotes and Sayings About my wife

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”

Brilliant Achievement Wife Marry
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The pig is the most shameless animal on the face of the earth. It is the only animal that invites its friends to have sex with its mate. In America, most people consume pork. Many times after dance parties, they have swapping of wives; many say 'you sleep with my wife and I will sleep with your wife.' If you eat pigs then you behave like pigs.

Sex Party Sleep Face
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I am 93 years old, my wife is 52 years old; meaning when I was 41 years, my wife Grace was 1 week old. Don’t give up if you’re still single; probably your future partner is not even born yet; or probably your father-in-law and your mother-in-law have not met yet. Have faith today.

Wife Years Grace Week
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

Answer Wife Anything Comedian
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I know it can be dangerous, but I love racing. I worry my wife, but she knows it's important to me.

Racing Dangerous Love Worry
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife and I try not to get into each other's work too much.

My Wife Try Get
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I hate shaving. It's much easier to just do a little stubble, but my wife and daughter like it when I'm clean-shaven. If you see me with a clean face, then you know I'm in the kissing mode!

Hate Shaving Much Easier
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Fifty percent of all meaningful education takes place in the home. What do you share with your child? You share your interests. I was a book person. I read with my son. My wife is an artist. She dragged his little butt around to museums. He's an illustrator of children's books.

Book Books Child Children
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Those who know me know I'm passionate about lists, and top of my list of priorities is my family. My wife Joan and I do not consider our legacy to our children to be wealth or fame but the opportunity to pursue happiness by following their own path.

About Children Consider Fame
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I think any man who lets a woman pick what he should wear... I mean, you gotta draw the line somewhere as a man. I see these guys, 'My wife told me to wear this!' And I just shake my head.

Any Draw Gotta Guys
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife doesn't let anyone wear shoes in our house, so we have a bench, and under the bench is all UGGs slippers.

Anyone Bench House Our
  Favorite Make wallpaper

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, 'Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day.' And 15 years later, I did.

Afterwards Day Did Doing
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I can tell you in all honesty that I am highly connected to my family, my wife, and my three children, though I don't get to spend dollops of hours with them.

Am Children Connected Family
  Favorite Make wallpaper

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Best Birthday Ever Get
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

Cheats Good Good-Looking Goodness
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Her Interrupt Spoken Want
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

Calendar Day Getting Jealousy
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Always Day Did Eye
  Favorite Make wallpaper

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

About Bee Birds Butcher
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Afraid Dark Light Me
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Coming Coming Home Door Home
  Favorite Make wallpaper
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Again Boyfriend Broke Her
  Favorite Make wallpaper

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

Dog Drink Glass Kisses
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Bartender Her Me Psychiatrist
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Happy Met Then Were
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

Chocolate Cook Got Made
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife is my in-home editor and reads everything I write.

Editor Everything I Write Reads
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I like being married. I'm at home with my wife and kids all the time now. I don't go out for wild nights.

Being Go Home Kids
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My affection for Taiwan... is witnessed by everyone. My wife is Taiwanese and I am a son-in-law of Taiwan. I am half Taiwanese.

Affection Am Everyone Half
  Favorite Make wallpaper

In one day, I have times where I'm feeling great, I feel like I love my life, and then 2:30 rolls around and I'm the angriest man alive. My wife sees it.

Alive Around Day Feel
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I'm not great at bedtime stories. Bedtime stories are supposed to put the kid to sleep. My kid gets riled up and then my wife has to come in and go, 'All right! Get out of the room.'

Bedtime Come Get Gets
  Favorite Make wallpaper
I'm married, I have three children, I never hit my wife.
Children Hit Married Never
  Favorite Make wallpaper

So, who in the media is without sin among us? I am in the media and I am a major league sinner. I don't know anyone except my wife who isn't a big time sinner.

Am Among Anyone Big
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I was raised in a religious environment, and my wife is one of the more religious people that I have ever known.

Environment Ever I Was Raised Known
  Favorite Make wallpaper
My wife doesn't even want to spend 2 hours with me.
Even Hours Me Spend
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I make money, my wife spends it.

Money Wife Spends Make money
  Favorite Make wallpaper
When my wife died, I booked myself into the studio just to work, to occupy myself.
Died Booked Studio Work
  Favorite Make wallpaper

“I can replace things, but I could never replace my wife and kids.”

Replace Things Never Wife
  Favorite Make wallpaper

Please take your time. I want you to kill me slowly so I can write my last poem to my wife's heart. They laughed, and took from me only the words dedicated to my wife's heart.

Time Poem Kill Slowly
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wrestling and family go together. It's always been that way, from day one with my mom and dad, my sister, my wife, four daughters, grandsons, son-in-laws.

Always Wife Been Four
  Favorite Make wallpaper

If one area I felt it was a tough election was I couldn't see my young son and I couldn't see my wife a lot, but apart from that for her also it was an experience.

Also Apart Area Election
  Favorite Make wallpaper

If I'm hanging around too much, my wife and kids say, 'Hey, why don't you go downstairs and start a new novel?'

Around Downstairs Go Hanging
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I don't shop online, but my wife buys everything at home. We buy sea crabs, fresh crabs, all kinds of things.

Buy Buys Crabs Everything
  Favorite Make wallpaper
My wife is very stealth-funny. She'll come out with something when I'm not expecting it, and it'll just kill me.
Come Expecting Just Me
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I like writing books. I'd rather be at home with my wife. I can write, take a break, come out, have a glass of tea, give my wife a kiss, and go back in and write some more. It's not so bad. I am really lucky.

Writing books At home Wife Glass
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track.

Write funny Wife laugh Right track
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I've always, like, wanted two kids that were both girls, and my wife was like, 'Why?' I'm like, 'Because I've been around boy so much my entire life that I want to be surrounded by, you know, girls.'

Always Around Because Been
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My two sons are the most important things in the world to my wife and I - they are what I build my world around.

Around Build Important ImportantThings
  Favorite Make wallpaper

I am still in love with my wife.

Am IAm Love Still
  Favorite Make wallpaper

My wife and I have a schizophrenic son. We didn't want to accept this for 30 years, so we put him under great pressure when we shouldn't have. He just wanted to be looked after, and we didn't respect that. We tried to make him independent.

Accept After Great He
  Favorite Make wallpaper