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If President Buhari is not the man on the helm of affairs now, had it been the last regime continued, by now Nigeria will be for sale. Who will buy?

Helm Regime Buy Sale
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Our past…not our past leaders, our past looters, you may not understand, looters, embezzlers pissed on the political positions, have eaten the cake of this country, and we are suffering it.

Cake Past Position Pissed
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If our youths are well employed, kidnapping will go. Kidnapping was a child of the past administration. They delivered that ugly baby, and that baby resembled them.

Baby Past Youths Child
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I realized that every sermon I preached should be designed not to 'teach' or 'convert' people, but rather to encourage them, to give them a lift. I decided to adopt the spirit, style, strategy and substance of a 'therapist' in the pulpit.

Adopt Convert Decided Designed
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All the money voted for road constructions were swindled, eaten. Many of them became millionaires, billionaires in Naira, in Dollars, in Pounds, in Euro. Billionaires, when they have no workshop, no business centre. Somebody who has nothing he’s doing, yet he’s a billionaire, because he’s a politician.

Centre Road Money Somebody
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Go ahead and war against evil. President Buhari, go ahead and war against corruption. President Buhari, God and his people are behind you. You are the answers of the prayer of his people.

War Behind People Prayer
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Broke Burglar Furniture Gay
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I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
Like Out Pass Ready
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You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Given Little Lose Madness
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People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

Alive Dead House Living
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I'm a nomad. A Jewish road warrior. I do not have a concept of home. I wish I did. But I live with the idea that we have to get out of town before dawn.

Road Town Warrior Wish
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It is our experience that political leaders do not always mean the opposite of what they say.

Always Experience Leaders Mean
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Memory is not an instrument for exploring the past but its theatre. It is the medium of past experience, as the ground is the medium in which dead cities lie interred.

Ground Past Theatre Cities
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The adjustment of reality to the masses and of the masses to reality is a process of unlimited scope, as much for thinking as for perception.

Reality Scope Process Adjustment
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Woman absent is woman dead.

Absent Dead Woman
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The cure for admiring the House of Lords is to go and look at it.
Admiring Cure House Look
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Dullness in matters of government is a good sign, and not a bad one - in particular, dullness in parliamentary government is a test of its excellence, an indication of its success.

Bad Dullness Excellence Good
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An ambassador is not simply an agent; he is also a spectacle.

Spectacle Agent Simply Also
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An element of exaggeration clings to the popular judgment: great vices are made greater, great virtues greater also; interesting incidents are made more interesting, softer legends more soft.

Element Soft Great Virtues
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The whole history of civilization is strewn with creeds and institutions which were invaluable at first, and deadly afterwards.

First Deadly Invaluable Whole
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Men who do not make advances to women are apt to become victims to women who make advances to them.

Victims Women Advances Become
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If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, sir, should keep his friendship in a constant repair.

Acquaintances Advances Alone Constant
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The idea of having a steady job is appealing.
Appealing Having Idea Job
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Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

Apartment Canada Great Like
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A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

Bad Bomb Feel Make
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I've had a lot of people tell me they watched 'Old Dogs' with their kids and had a good time.
Dogs Good Good Time Had
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From the point of view of being in the public radar, comedians have less problems than other actors. Action movie stars like Stallone or Schwarzenegger usually attract the more aggressive fans.

Action Action Movie Actor Aggressive
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It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking a knife on your heart. But I am the harshest critic of my work.

About Am Article Bad
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The 'Aladdin' thing - that's not work; that's just fun. Three days in the recording studio going mad, then the animators do all the work. Not a bad way to cash a large check, my friend.

Animators Bad Bad Way Cash
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Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes. Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Does it hit me hard? Oh yeah.

Am Does Get Hard
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The essential truth is that sometimes you're worried that they'll find out it's a fluke, that you don't really have it. You've lost the muse or - the worst dread - you never had it at all. I went through all that madness early on.

Dread Early Essential Find
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I have an idea for a movie called 'The Walken Dead' which is about a town where, instead of zombies, everyone becomes Chris Walken.

About Becomes Chris Dead
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I was only a leading man for a minute; now I'm a character actor.

Actor Character Character Actor Leading
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I write on big yellow legal pads - ideas in outline form when I'm doing stand-up and stuff. It's vivid that way. I can't type it into an iPad - I think that would put a filter into the process.

Big Doing Filter Form
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Drink Gave Had Last
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Best Birthday Ever Get
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Age Fact Food Had
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Private property began the instant somebody had a mind of his own.

Began Had His Instant
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Knowledge is a polite word for dead but not buried imagination.

Buried Dead Imagination Knowledge
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Unbeing dead isn't being alive.

Alive Being Dead Isn't
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

Always Day Did Eye
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If a poet is anybody, he is somebody to whom things made matter very little - somebody who is obsessed by Making.

Anybody He Little Made
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The ninety and nine are with dreams, content but the hope of the world made new, is the hundredth man who is grimly bent on making those dreams come true.

Bent Come Content Dreams
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

After Born Had I Was Born
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There is something in the unselfish and self-sacrificing love of a brute, which goes directly to the heart of him who has had frequent occasion to test the paltry friendship and gossamer fidelity of mere Man.

Brute Directly Fidelity Frequent
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To vilify a great man is the readiest way in which a little man can himself attain greatness.

Attain Great Great Man Greatness
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A strong argument for the religion of Christ is this - that offences against Charity are about the only ones which men on their death-beds can be made - not to understand - but to feel - as crime.

About Against Argument Charity
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The generous Critic fann'd the Poet's fire, And taught the world with reason to admire.
Admire Critic Fire Generous
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Science has not yet taught us if madness is or is not the sublimity of the intelligence.

Intelligence Madness Science Sublimity
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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Asleep Blind Blind Man Day
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