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5960 Actor Quotes

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction

Body Die Fiction Leaving
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What's another word for Thesaurus?

Another Thesaurus Word
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Existential Here Map Over
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

Announcer Bridge George Hear
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Behind Brake Car Gas
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Headlights Lights Like Looks
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Car Dizzy Driving Got
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I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

Car Home Leave Machine
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

Kid Store Toy Train
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

Box Child Eventually Had
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

Autobiography Writing
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

Books Children Few Purpose
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Argument Considered Got Long
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I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Busted Five Get Got
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Anything Buy General Me
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I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

Car Clown Died Funeral
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I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

Above Apartment Furious Live
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Country Cross Great Live
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Chain Dollar Everybody Fax
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

Alaska Got Missing Moved
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Afraid Heights Lot Me
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

Buying Clothes Escalator Girl
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

People Power Store Trapped
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I invented the cordless extension cord.

Cord Extension Invented
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My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Makes Meant Friend Noises
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How young can you die of old age?

Age Die How Old
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Always Matter Room Temperature
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Advertising Executive Only Saw
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I love making people laugh and feel good, and that's awesome and special for me to be able to do that, but there really is nothing like kicking ass whether it's on a major scale, or whether it's in more of a dramatic fashion. Being physical and taking care of business the old-fashioned way is something that I love doing.

Able Awesome Being Business
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One of the skills I had to learn and become proficient in is kissing a man. I had never kissed a man. Will Smith did it in his movies, so did Jake Gyllenhaal, and I figured it was my time. So it was me and Steve Carell - fantastic.

One Skills Learn Become
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Barack Obama did tell me that I was one of Michelle Obama's favorite actors.

Obama Michelle Tell Me
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Wrestling was like stand-up comedy for me. Every night I had a live audience of 25,000 people to win over. My goal was never to be the loudest or the craziest. It was to be the most entertaining.

Audience Comedy Craziest Entertaining
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You've got to keep your finger on the pulse of what your audience is thinking, and know what they'll accept from you.

Accept Audience Finger Got
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I'd love to do a musical. I've been known to have a good step or two. I'm half Samoan, you know, and part of our culture is singing and dancing daily.

Been Culture Daily Dancing
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Every once in a while I get the highly inappropriate proposal which is like, 'Wow, Really! You don't even know me and I don't know you at all, and you want that to happen? Tonight? Ok, I get off work at 7.30.'

Even Every Get Happen
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If I had to describe myself to an alien I'd say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or two with a good meal and have a bigger head than most. I'd also say I'm really handsome - especially if they were a female alien.

Alien Also Average Bigger
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I love the 3D revolution. I love the technology today that continues to push the envelope, continues break the new ground, and continues to raise the bar.

Bar Break Envelope Ground
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But I do believe that there's going to be a time where all movies are going to be made in 3D and it's just going to be a given, and that is going to be an exciting time.

Believe Exciting Given Going
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But being on location and shooting, whether its in Puerto Rico or Atlanta, it always reminds me of how really cool my job can be. Interacting with the fans is one of the best parts of it.

Always Atlanta Being Best
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I was brought up as an only child, and we were very close. But when I was 14, we got evicted. We came home to a padlock, and I looked up at my mom and she was crying, and there was nothing to do.

Brought Came Child Close
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I'm very low-key. I don't really blend in, so it's difficult to go out in public. I like to do things that are kind of quiet, whether it's a dinner at my house or a restaurant, or a movie night at home.

Blend Difficult Dinner Go
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I didn't have to win, and winning wasn't important to me. Being world champion wasn't important to me. What was important to me was entertaining the audience, and whether that meant winning, losing, singing, or whatever it was on the live show we were doing every week, which was awesome, I was game for it.

Audience Awesome Being Champion
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Wrestling was like stand-up comedy for me.

Comedy Like Me Stand-Up Comedy
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My goal was never to be the loudest or the craziest. It was to be the most entertaining.

Goal Never Loudest Craziest
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I've been known to have a good step or two. I'm half Samoan, you know, and part of our culture is singing and dancing daily.

Been Culture Daily Dancing
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Football changed my life and it gave me a platform to get out my aggression and it gave me a sense of value.

Football Changed Life Gave
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With action films, it's great if it's not just driven by action, but by a good story and interesting characters, as well. Though, there's nothin' like kicking butt!

With Action Films Great
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I like the idea of making a big, fun, adventure type of movie.

Adventure Big Fun Idea
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The goal for me is always to have the opportunity to work in different genres. This is a great and exciting time in my career, where I can have the opportunity to work in different genres, and also I recognize there's not a lot of actors who have that opportunity and I'm grateful for it.

Actor Also Always Career
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I like the idea of working in different genres and transcending genres and hopefully finding success, and ultimately make movies people like.

Different Different Genres Finding Genres
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