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Mitch Hedberg
Away
Flyer
Hands
Here
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I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
Mitch Hedberg
Bunch
Cord
Go
Hear
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Mitch Hedberg
Buy
Cake
Candle
Got
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I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
Mitch Hedberg
Adding
Fix
Gonna
Joke
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We shall not grow wiser before we learn that much that we have done was very foolish .
Friedrich von Hayek
Shall
Wiser
Learn
Foolish
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Friedrich Schiller
Done
Best
Own-time
Lived
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Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Mitch Hedberg
Assume
Else
Every
Every Time
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Some of the most famous books are the least worth reading. Their fame was due to their having done something that needed to be doing in their day. The work is done and the virtue of the book has expired.
Moliere
Book
Books
Day
Doing
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Honesty prospers in every condition of life.
Friedrich Schiller
Honesty
Prospers
Condition
Life
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If everyone were clothed with integrity, if every heart were just, frank, kindly, the other virtues would be well-nigh useless.
Moliere
Clothed
Every
Every Heart
Everyone
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One should eat to live, not live to eat.
Moliere
Eat
Live
Should
Food
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Moliere
Better
Better Place
Follies
Greater
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Friedrich Schiller
God
Universe
Thoughts
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A merely fallen enemy may rise again, but the reconciled one is truly vanquished.
Friedrich Schiller
Merely
Enemy
Rise
Reconciled
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Ah! how annoying that the law doesn't allow a woman to change husbands just as one does shirts.
Moliere
Ah
Allow
Annoying
Change
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Perfect reason flees all extremity, and leads one to be wise with sobriety.
Moliere
Extremity
Leads
Perfect
Reason
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True, Heaven prohibits certain pleasures; but one can generally negotiate a compromise.
Moliere
Certain
Compromise
Generally
Heaven
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If I play hard to get, soon the phone stops ringing altogether.
Mason Cooley
Altogether
Get
Hard
Phone
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Mason Cooley
Alone
Blame
Find
Harder
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Don't forget any affront done to you and to all our people, the time of revenge will come and must be put to good use.
Friedrich Engels
Forget
Done
People
Time
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One ought to look a good deal at oneself before thinking of condemning others.
Moliere
Before
Condemning
Deal
Good
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As the purpose of comedy is to correct the vices of men, I see no reason why anyone should be exempt.
Moliere
Anyone
Comedy
Correct
Exempt
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The middle classes have a truly extraordinary conception of society. They really believe that human beings . . . have real existence only if they make money or help to make it.
Friedrich Engels
Middle
Classes
Extraordinary
Conception
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Esteem must be founded on preference: to hold everyone in high esteem is to esteem nothing.
Moliere
Esteem
Everyone
Founded
High
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As money, Bitcoin achieves two objectives; it's both a unit of transaction as well as being a store of value. The U.S. dollar, for example, is a unit of transaction, but it is not a store of value.
Max Keiser
Achieves
Being
Bitcoin
Both
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Bitcoin is probably the most portable money in the history of the world. I can download any amount onto a thumb drive and walk across any border without any problems. Or, I could commit to memory a line of code that I can then input into the network and save or spend Bitcoins.
Max Keiser
Across
Amount
Any
Bitcoin
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No government can exist without taxation. The money must necessarily be levied on the people; and the grand art consists of levying so as not to oppress.
Frederick The Great
Government
Exist
Taxation
Levied
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I want to sleep for half a second, a second, a minute, a century, but I want everyone to know that I'm still alive...
Federico Garcia Lorca
Sleep
Second
Minute
Century
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From New Heart Like a snake, my heart has shed its skin. I hold it here in my hand, full of honey and wounds.
Federico Garcia Lorca
New-heart
Snake
Skin
Hand
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
Life
Estimation
Biological
Misadventure
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I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
Fred Allen
Understand
Person
Years
Write
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
Fred Allen
Father
Raised
Children
Self-defense
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Capitalism is using its money; we socialists throw it away.
Fidel Castro
Capitalism
Money
Socialists
Throw
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Something must be done to save humanity! A better world is possible!
Fidel Castro
Something
Done
Save
Humanity
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None of us has any personal interest above the interests of the country. Our country is more important than our careers.
Fidel Castro
Personal
Interest
Country
Important
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The human being is a strange mixture of blind instinct, on one hand, and conscience, on the other.
Fidel Castro
Human
Hand
Strange
Mixture
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No one even knows one percent of the fabulous history of Man; but thanks to history, we know about occurrences that go beyond the limits of the imaginable.
Fidel Castro
Knows
Percent
Fabulous
History
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There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes where life is not painful.
Fernando Pessoa
Ships
Sailing
Many
Ports
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We never love anyone. What we love is the idea we have of someone. It's our own concept—our own selves—that we love.
Fernando Pessoa
Never
Love
Anyone
Idea
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I've always rejected being understood. To be understood is to prostitute oneself. I prefer to be taken seriously for what I'm not, remaining humanly unknown, with naturalness and all due respect
Fernando Pessoa
Rejected
Understood
Prostitute
Prefer
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Fernando Pessoa
Never
Done
Dream
Meaning
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If after I die, people want to write my biography, there is nothing simpler. They only need two dates: the date of my birth and the date of my death. Between one and another, every day is mine.
Fernando Pessoa
Die
People
Write
Biography
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Friends: not one. Just a few acquaintances who imagine they feel something for me and who might be sorry if a train ran over me and the funeral was on a rainy day.
Fernando Pessoa
Friends
Few
Acquaintances
Imagine
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Having never discovered qualities in myself that might attract someone else, I could never believe that anyone felt attracted to me.
Fernando Pessoa
Never
Discovered
Qualities
Attract
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Lord, may the pain be ours, And the weakness that it brings, But at least give us the strength, Of not showing it to anyone!
Fidel Castro
Lord
Pains
Weakness
Brings
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I am the escaped one, After I was born They locked me up inside me But I left. My soul seeks me, Through hills and valley, I hope my soul Never finds me.
Fernando Pessoa
Escape
Born
Inside
Seeks
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Blessed are those who entrust their lives to no one.
Fernando Pessoa
Blessed
Entrust
Lives
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To love is to tire of being alone; it is therefore a cowardice, a betrayal of ourselves. (It is exceedingly important that we not love.)
Fernando Pessoa
Love
Alone
Cowardice
Betrayal
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There are ships sailing to many ports, but not a single one goes to where life is not painful; nor is there a port of call where it is possible to forget.
Fernando Pessoa
Ships
Sailing
Life
Painful
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We, all who live, have A life that is lived And another life that is thought, And the only life we have It's the one that is divided In right or wrong.
Fernando Pessoa
Live
Life
Thought
Divided
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