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" Quotes and Sayings About me

They're called 'angels' because they're in heaven until the reviews come out.

Angels Because Come Heaven
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What does it mean when people applaud? Should I give 'em money? Say thank you? Lift my dress? The lack of applause - that I can respond to.

Applaud Applause Does Dress
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I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong.

About Care Don'tCare Just
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A man's brain has a more difficult time shifting from thinking to feeling than a women's brain does.

Brain Difficult Does Feeling
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Men are just as sensitive, and in some ways more sensitive, than women are.
Just Men More Sensitive
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What allows us, as human beings, to psychologically survive life on earth, with all of its pain, drama, and challenges, is a sense of purpose and meaning.

Beings Challenges Drama Earth
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We say the name of God, but that is only habit.
God Habit Name Only
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If you start throwing hedgehogs under me, I shall throw a couple of porcupines under you.

Couple Me Shall Start
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I want to talk to these people because they stay in power and you change all the time.

Because Change People Power
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All the sparrows on the rooftops are crying about the fact that the most imperialist nation that is supporting the colonial regime in the colonies is the United States of America.

About America Colonial Colonies
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When you are skinning your customers, you should leave some skin on to heal, so that you can skin them again.

Again Customers Heal Leave
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Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers.

Bridges Build Even Over
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A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Candy Garbage Give Give Me
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The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
Because Camera Digital Great
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Attack Game Heart Time
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I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'

Alone Cologne I Think Interesting
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I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

Back Certain Just Keep
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.

Comfortable Gets Less Like
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

Am Else Guy He
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Both Employee Example Good
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

Actual Asked Clothing Lady
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Bee Bird Child Door
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I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.

About Catching Feeling Happen
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But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.

Actor Because Comedy Doing
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

About Across Around Come
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I knew that with a mouth like mine, I just hadda be a star or something.

Just Knew Like Mine
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I wish I could be like Shaw who once read a bad review of one of his plays, called the critic and said: 'I have your review in front of me and soon it will be behind me.'

Bad BadReview Behind Could
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I'm tired of malicious articles slandering me.

Articles Malicious Me Tired
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Marlon Brando. The finest actor who ever lived. He was my idol when I was 13. He's done enough work to last two lifetimes. Everything I do, I think: Can Brando play this with me?

Actor Brando Done Enough
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Men are allowed to have passion and commitment for their work... a woman is allowed that feeling for a man, but not her work.

Allowed Commitment Feeling Her
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My biggest nightmare is I'm driving home and get sick and go to hospital. I say: 'Please help me.' And the people say: 'Hey, you look like...' And I'm dying while they're wondering whether I'm Barbra Streisand.

BarbraStreisand Biggest Driving Dying
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Myths are a waste of time. They prevent progression.
Myths Prevent Progression Time
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Success to me is having ten honeydew melons and eating only the top half of each slice.

Each Eating Half Having
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To have ego means to believe in your own strength. And to also be open to other people's views. It is to be open, not closed. So, yes, my ego is big, but it's also very small in some areas. My ego is responsible for my doing what I do - bad or good.

Also Area Bad Believe
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Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
About Men Obsessed Only
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How I wish we lived in a time when laws were not necessary to safeguard us from discrimination.

Discrimination How IWish Laws
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I arrived in Hollywood without having my nose fixed, my teeth capped, or my name changed. That is very gratifying to me.

Arrived Changed Fixed Gratifying
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I've been called many names like perfectionist, difficult and obsessive. I think it takes obsession, takes searching for the details for any artist to be good.

Any Artist Been Details
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The audience is the best judge of anything. They cannot be lied to. Truth brings them closer. A moment that lags - they're gonna cough.

Anything Audience Best Brings
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It is every woman's dream to be some man's dream woman.

Dream Every Man Some
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What is exciting is not for one person to be stronger than the other... but for two people to have met their match and yet they are equally as stubborn, as obstinate, as passionate, as crazy as the other.

Crazy Equally Exciting Match
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The audience is the barometer of the truth.
Audience Barometer Truth
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Oh God, don't envy me, I have my own pains.

Envy God Me MyOwn
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I must have got my detailed, obsessive streak from my father, who was an English teacher, because my mother wasn't like me at all.

Because Detailed English EnglishTeacher
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I'd started going to acting classes at 14, played 'Medea' at 15 and really wanted to be a classical actress.

Acting ActingClasses Actress Classes
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Performing, for me, has always been a very inner process.
Always Been Inner Me
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I can take any truth; just don't lie to me.
Any ICan Just Lie
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Just like my father, I've always loved education. In school I was a member of the honor society.

Always Education Father Honor
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I'm interested in the truth, and unauthorized biographies are not. Yes, I would like to correct those errors someday.

Biographies Correct Errors Nterested
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Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.

Choice Love Make Moment
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