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" Quotes and Sayings About as

I loved running, but all of a sudden everything hurt so much. I started cycling when Zelda was born.

Born Cycling Everything Hurt
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My mother's idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive - the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorns. If you said anything contrary to her, you were basically exiled.

Anything Basically Birth Childbirth
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Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did you do that?' But in the end, I can't regret them because I met amazing people. There was always something that was worth it.

Always Amazing Amazing People Because
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With film roles, it just has to be a character either I haven't done before, or a role with somebody really interesting or with an interesting person or group of people.

Before Character Done Either
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I was only a leading man for a minute; now I'm a character actor.

Actor Character Character Actor Leading
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I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was just in awe of this man because of what he'd done.

Awe Because Benefit Done
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I write on big yellow legal pads - ideas in outline form when I'm doing stand-up and stuff. It's vivid that way. I can't type it into an iPad - I think that would put a filter into the process.

Big Doing Filter Form
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Drink Gave Had Last
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Being Everyone Hates He
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Best Birthday Ever Get
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Age Fact Food Had
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

Acting Actor Acts Deals
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Always Found Kid Lot
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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
Days Laughter Most Wasted
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At least the Pilgrim Fathers used to shoot Indians: the Pilgrim Children merely punch time clocks.

Children Clocks Fathers Indians
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A man of genius has been seldom ruined but by himself

Been Genius Has-Been Himself
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Life is not long, and too much of it must not pass in idle deliberation how it shall be spent.

Deliberation How Idle Life
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A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long.

Autumn Away Blown I Think
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Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question.

Always Answer Ask Beautiful
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A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.
Arse Everyone Except Man
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

Attacked Being Controlled Girl
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Fat Found Hang Look
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

Calendar Day Getting Jealousy
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To like an individual because he's black is just as insulting as to dislike him because he isn't white.

Because Black Dislike He
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

Come Day Girl Home
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Get Honest Luck No Respect
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

Asked Birth Birth Control Boy
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The reason that there are so few good books written is that so few people who write know anything.

Write Reason Good Books
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My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

Afraid Dark Light Me
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

Coming Coming Home Door Home
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Chair Dying Electric He
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Fed Friend Liked Me
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I need scarcely observe that a poem deserves its title only inasmuch as it excites, by elevating the soul. The value of the poem is in the ratio of this elevating excitement.

Deserves Excitement Excites Need
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

After Born Had I Was Born
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When any calamity has been suffered the first thing to be remembered is, how much has been escaped.

Any Been Calamity Escaped
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

Dog Drink Glass Kisses
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Between falsehood and useless truth there is little difference. As gold which he cannot spend will make no man rich, so knowledge which cannot apply will make no man wise.

Apply Between Cannot Difference
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Many things difficult to design prove easy to performance.

Design Difficult Easy Many
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I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty.
Beauty Brief Creation Define
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

Ask Big Get How
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Feed Me Mother Shot
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It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream.

Dream Existence Fancy Future
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I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.

Active Effect Exertion Faith
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There is something in the unselfish and self-sacrificing love of a brute, which goes directly to the heart of him who has had frequent occasion to test the paltry friendship and gossamer fidelity of mere Man.

Brute Directly Fidelity Frequent
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In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me.

Absolutely Bold Criticism Foe
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With me poetry has not been a purpose, but a passion.

Been Me Passion Poetry
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There are few cases in which mere popularity should be considered a proper test of merit; but the case of song-writing is, I think, one of the few.

Case Cases Considered Few
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That pleasure which is at once the most pure, the most elevating and the most intense, is derived, I maintain, from the contemplation of the beautiful.

Beautiful Contemplation Derived Intense
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A strong argument for the religion of Christ is this - that offences against Charity are about the only ones which men on their death-beds can be made - not to understand - but to feel - as crime.

About Against Argument Charity
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The generous Critic fann'd the Poet's fire, And taught the world with reason to admire.
Admire Critic Fire Generous
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