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137 Satirist Quotes

That old man dies prematurely whose memory records no benefits conferred. They only have lived long who have lived virtuously.

Benefits Conferred Dies Lived
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Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has with politics.

Conscience More Politics Than
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My valor is certainly going, it is sneaking off! I feel it oozing out as it were, at the palms of my hands!

Certainly Feel Going Hands
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You know it is not my interest to pay the principal, or my principal to pay the interest.

Interest Know Pay Principal
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The surest way to fail is not to determine to succeed.

Determine Fail Succeed Surest
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Pity those who nature abuses; never those who abuse nature.
Abuse Abuse Nature Never
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Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete: damns have had their day.

Best Day Grow Had
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Those that vow the most are the least sincere.

Least Most Sincere Those
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There is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot your poor, dear uncle, as if he had never existed; and I thought it my duty to do so.

About Chooses Dear Duty
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Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.
Come Garden Like Roses
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I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again, night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.

Actor After Again Answer
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For if there is anything to one's praise, it is foolish vanity to be gratified at it, and if it is abuse - why one is always sure to hear of it from one damned good-natured friend or another!

Abuse Always Another Anything
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I'm called away by particular business - but I leave my character behind me.

Away Behind Business Character
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There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.
Being Little Possibility Without
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Be just before you are generous.

Before Generous Just You
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'Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion.

Aversion Begin Little Matrimony
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Certainly nothing is unnatural that is not physically impossible.

Certainly Impossible Nothing Physically
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Death's a debt; his mandamus binds all alike- no bail, no demurrer.

Alike Bail Binds Death
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Modesty is a quality in a lover more praised by the women than liked.

Liked Lover Modesty More
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Do thou snatch treasures from my lips, and I'll take kingdoms back from thine.

Back Kingdoms Lips Take
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He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.

Facts He His Imagination
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You write with ease to show your breeding, but easy writing's curst hard reading.

Breeding Ease Easy Hard
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A bumper of good liquor will end a contest quicker than justice, judge, or vicar.

Bumper Contest End Good
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A fluent tongue is the only thing a mother don't like her daughter to resemble her in.

Daughter Fluent Her Like
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The number of those who undergo the fatigue of judging for themselves is very small indeed.

Fatigue Indeed Judging Number
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To smile at the jest which plants a thorn in another's breast is to become a principal in the mischief.

Another Become Jest Mischief
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The glorious uncertainty of the law was a thing well known and complained of, by all ignorant people, but all learned gentleman considered it as its greatest excellency.

Considered Gentleman Glorious Greatest
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I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

Wish people Have trouble Communicating Shut up
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Life is like a sewer - you get out of it what you put into it.
Life Like Sewer Get out
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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

People Not love Fellow man Hate people
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Life Piano Get out Depends on
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If after hearing my songs just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or perhaps to strike a loved one it will all have been worth the while.

Hearing My songs Human being Friend
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When you're in a public profession like I was, and you stop doing it like I did, people think you're either crazy or dead.

Public profession Stop doing People think Crazy
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I'm not interested in promoting myself or revealing to total strangers anything about me. That's not my job.

Not interested Promoting myself Revealing Total strangers
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When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

When you Food becomes More important Than sex
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Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

Laughter Involuntary Funny You laugh
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Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

Be prepared Be careful Good deeds No one
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I used to fly a lot in my sleep. For a while I stopped flying. Last night I flew again. So vividly.I woke up happy.

To fly My sleep Stopped flying Flew again
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Now we carry out mini genocides and massacres and only engage each other only through xenophobia and DSTV.

We carry Mini genocides Massacres Only engage
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The fear of poverty in Nigeria's quasi middle class has more dangerous long term social effects than the poverty of its extreme poor.

The fear Poverty Middle class More dangerous
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I love this boldness. They are now trolling citizens. It is like some sick game.

I love This boldness Trolling citizen Sick game
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May the hustle for food not make us destroy everything we have worked for.

The hustle For food Destroy everything Worked for
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There is no law that prevents you from doing a parody. Even in Nigerian copyright law parody is is considered fair use.

No law Prevent you A parody Copyright law
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if you want to improve the quality of life of a writer just give them money. Or pay their rent.

To improve The quality Life A writer
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Didn't know Bin Laden was killed for refusing to wear a mask.This is wild.

Was killed For refusing To wear A mask
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Well done to the Nigerian Bar Association for distancing themselves from this disgrace of a politician who along with his family delights in abusing power and being nasty.

Distancing themselves This disgrace A politician Abusing power
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The day we stop believing our suffering is more valid than the suffering of others and that everyone can feel pain, everyone can suffer, everyone faces adversity regardless of who they are, that day, we will be closer to something resembling justice or at least empathy.

Stop believing Our suffering More valid Resembling justice
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This obsession with treating people as representatives of their group helps no one.

This obsession Treating people As representative Their group
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If only writers everywhere could unionize so it would be impossible to do festivals, conferences and stupid panels without paying writers properly

Writers everywhere Could unionize Be impossible Do festivals
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If only religious Nigerians had the same desire to kill, hang, behead, anally rape the people who were actually violently ruining the country.

Only religious Same desire To kill Hang
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