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" Quotes and Sayings About me

Comedy's really subjective, you know.

Comedy Know Really Subjective
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If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared.

Books Don Everything Five
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Politics hates a vacuum. If it isn't filled with hope, someone will fill it with fear.

Fear Fill Filled Hates
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I am not saying Russia is not important, but Trump's base is very well defended against that: 'the liberal media is out to get him', 'it's fake news', and all the rest.

Against Am Base Defended
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The reason why men enter into society is the preservation of their property.

Enter Men Preservation Property
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There have been presidents with business interests before. But there has never been a fully commercialized global brand as a sitting U.S. president. That is unprecedented.

Been Before Brand Business
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When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that.

Ask Books Couple Done
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Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.

Buy Came Challenge Did
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To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?

Any Been Big Day
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Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.

Brainy Depressive Fry Know
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I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.

Busy Corner Go Mean
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It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.

About Annoyed Each Get
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If I could only remember that the days were, not bricks to be laid row on row, to be built into a solid house, where one might dwell in safety and peace, but only food for the fires of the heart.

Remember Days Not bricks Bricks.
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At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.

About Brainy Cause Day
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The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.

Atheists Criminals Death Either
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I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.

About Bad Bad People Before
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The human imagination has already come to conceive the possibility of recreating human society

Human Imagination Conceive Possibility
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I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.

Annoys Being Found Happy
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If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.

Argument Away Because Girlfriend
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I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes?

Bottles Coming Down Go
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In times of disorder and stress, the fanatics play a prominent role; in times of peace, the critics. Both are shot after the revolution.

Disorder Stress Fanatic Prominent
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Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

Comedy Hard Know Really
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If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.

Bath Chunks Documented Sit
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For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.

About Good Holiday Me
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I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.

Because Better Dream Expectations
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If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error.
Day Doing Error Every
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Marriage is a series of desperate arguments people feel passionately about.
About Argument Desperate Feel
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It's life isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels.

Ahead Hit Levels Life
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It's a rather rude gesture, but at least it's clear what you mean.

Clear Gesture Least Mean
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Only the curious will learn and only the resolute will overcome the obstacles to learning. The quest quotient has always excited me more than the intelligence quotient.

Curious Quotient Excited Intelligence
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I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex.

Inferior Lately Never Realized
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Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do.
About Beautiful Beautiful Women Know
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Keep going; never stop; sit tight; Read something luminous at night.
Going Stop Tight Luminous
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Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Back Cause Circus Got
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One didn't really believe till one saw it demonstrated that giving oneself up completely to art, to emotion, to enjoyment, without planning for the future or counting the cost, produced dreadful disabilities and bankruptcies later

Demonstrated To art Emotion Future
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Ask Dream Go Never
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

America Born Freak Front
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There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.
Nothing Demoralizing Adequate Income
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...The important thing is: if you fail once, or if your luck is bad this time, the dream is still there. A dream is only over if you give it up-or if it comes true.

Fail Luck Dream Still
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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Future Immediate Only Past
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We're only immortal for a limited time.
Immoral Limited Time
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Become Confused Evil Forces
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What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Before Does Get Mean You
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The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

Close Done Enough Existence
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The future... seems to me no unified dream but a mince pie, long in the baking, never quite done.

Future Unified Dream Baking
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Amount Caused Death Long
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There is something about poetry beyond prose logic, there is mystery in it, not to be explained but admired.

Poetry Prose Logic Mystery
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No, his mind is not for rent To any God or government Always hopeful yet discontent He knows changes aren't permanent But change is

Mind Rent God Government
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It's important to remember that because these athletes exercise so beyond what even a normal active person would, they generally must also supplement their diet.

Active Also Athletes Because
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Nutritionists have known for some time now that in order to get people to change what they eat, we need to provide them with more access to affordable, healthy food as well as information on how to cook and prepare it.

Access Affordable Change Cook
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